A
male
age
51-59,
*nlimbo72
writes:My wife and I have been married for 13 years and the past two years have really been bad. Long story short, I became involved with my ex girlfriend who came back into the picture for about 6 months. There was never anything physical other than the occational kiss but it was more emotional than anything. Since then I have snapped out of it and have tried to move on. My wife on the other hand can not seem to commit to moving on and trying to work on our relationship. She has stayed in the marriage because of the kids and says that she wants to move past it. But she keeps finding ways that I keep ruining it for her. We are like room mates now and I hate it. It doesn't even seem like she cares. I know that I hurt her and I am doing everything I can to help her trust me again. My question is,what can I do to get her to want to really work on things and stop looking for things that I am doing to "ruin" it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): The problem is you wish to get past it and she can't. You are the one in control of weather or not this ever happens again and she just has to trust you won't......problem is you destroyed her trust.
Trust is a funny thing, many people give it freely and then when it is broken and destroyed they are very anxious to give it out again.......it may take a long time for you to EARN her trust back.
What were you thinking when you got involved in this mess?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): I am sorry "cupidguy", but I think this couple will need more then soem nice chocolates and flowers;
Yes, I agree, that might help, it might calm the waters;
BUT
I sincerely suggest and hope you can both go for counselling; you both have a lot of issues to deal with; the only way you are going to resovle thisl is with counselling;
I URGE you, get professionnal help;
Best wishes; vow, you can do it, if it is important to you!
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A
female
reader, jenk36  +, writes (7 July 2008):
You don't say if your wife knew about your relationship with your ex, if she does I think you have abused her trust significantly. Having had that happen to me before I was actually more hurt than if it had been a physical relationship, after all its bound to be in the back of her mind, why talk to your ex when there certainly were other people to talk to about it?
I think if you really want to make it work you will have to put up with it until she feels better, and this will involve the cold shoulder somewhat. Keep at it, it will get better but not right away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Say sorry. Not just, "I am sorry take me back," but really say sorry.
I found some stuff on the internet for another guy:
- I know i'm not a perfect friend,
You're broken heart, i've tried to mend.
Instead i made you hurt and cry,
Believe me,
you're not the only one that's sad.
I made my best friend hurt like mad,
If i left would you be glad?.
Deep in my heart,
I'll always know,
I'll love you always,
Even if i go!
- There is no way I can change the past, but I want to change our future.
Soo yeah theres some examples...
Do something really sweet. Send the kids somewhere for the evening and bring back the days where it was just you two. Cook dinner?!
Use candles!! Just apologize and say how much you love her etc...
If all else fails, marriage consuelling?!
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