A
male
age
51-59,
*imhi
writes:me and my wife had arugement around christmas about my step daughter brining mher boy-freind over house when i don't like the kid and how i come i always have money to pay the bills. the arugement got heat and alot was said i called my wife a whore and she called me names also.now we are head for divorce ,but i still love my wife and i don't what this to happen.i can't talk to her becuse she pfa against me because i yelled at her not for hitting her. my friends and family tried to talk to her to forgive me , but still is mad at me and wants to go threw with divorce what can i do
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female
reader, erqz +, writes (6 February 2010):
STEP-CHILDREN ruined my marriage.Until you and your wife recognize the responsibilty of dual-families you will not survuve this. Verbal abuse was the WRONG way to deal with this situation. I strongly suggest seeking a family counselor for you and your wife. In some states mediation is required during the divorce process. Love has no boundaries but boundaries at the same time. Real love can survive all outside influences. Then the outside influences respectthat love for the awe of the power of that love. If it fallsvictim it wasnt love from the beginning. Let your heart guide you
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (6 February 2010):
Your post is slightly incoherent but I'll try make sense of it. You are basically saying you only shouted at your wife and you didn't hit her so why is she wanting a divorce. Abusive partners don't often realize that verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. You called her those names to break her spirit and now she won't let you abuse her again. You are going to have to apologise repeatedly and if she screams at you just be quiet and look contrite. Give her lots of time, love and affection. Do all those things for her that you know she loves and just wait for her anger to subside.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): Your step-daughter is a trigger issue for your wife so avoid criticizing her behavior. Pick your battles and only tackle the boyfriend when he wants to have a party in your house, so to speak.
Instead of interacting with your wife around her daughter, take your wife on dates and work on your communication skills. Right now those skills seem to have been forgotten and instead of working on your relationship you both are sabotaging your partnership because you are not dealing with your REAL ISSUES-i.e., intimacy, emotional connection, attention, money, anger, hostility, respect, etc.
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