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age
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*uriedbyit
writes:Okay, so I've been married for 27 years. We have 3 children, all now over 20. I've come to the conclusion that my wife's low self esteem - even pure dislike of herself, makes her take out her disdain on me. She is never happy. And it's not about material things, she's just never happy, which makes me unhappy.She refuses to go to counciling. For many years - more than 10 - she has made me constantly feel that she doesn't like me and that her unhappiness is my fault. This has caused me to gradually fall out of romantic love for her. How can you feel amorous about someone who is nasty to you? Then of course, because I don't want to make love to her there's the stress of that. And by the way, she's beautiful. But how can you be attracted to someone - anyone - who doesn't like you?I've worked at fixing this for years, got counciling myself as I was certain there is something wrong with me. But there isn't. I'm still the strong, athletic, smart, kind and thoughtful "A" type I was when I married her. It's taken many years but she's finally brought me down into her drama queen pity party with her. I still want to work to fix it, but I'm getting near the end of what I can tolerate - I'm not getting any younger!!!Any ideas?-Buriedbyit
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): Well, I am absolutley thrilled I've helped. As you have also helped me. And bless you for that too. Now just do whats best for you and the rest will fall into place. Stay safe out there.
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reader, Buriedbyit +, writes (25 February 2011):
Buriedbyit is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey anonymous....thank you! So much to think about. I have really, really benefited from your thoughts.
I wish I could have you talk to HER!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): Well, not very hopeful to me to hear from you 'Buried'. This may be my man's sentiments in 10-20 years. I would be the other end of a very similar situation to yours. Tell her the only thing wrong with her is her self image. You love her for a reason but constant crisis is exhausting and its consumed her. She may also benefit from hearing that it doesn't have to be this way, if you haven't said this a thousand times already. But it's up to her and if she wants, SHE CAN DO IT. But until she pulls head from butt, she'll never realize everything in her life is wasting away around her and she's about to lose her husband. All because she wallowing out of habit now. A creation, with no nessessity or real cause. What a sad story. Perhaps she's forgotten how to be lighthearted all together. But 27 years with someone is hard for me to comprehend but do know what a few with me are like and I often pray for him to escape my eternal issues and find better treatment because he's too wonderful to suffer just because I think I'm worthless. You don't have to hold on forever. If she doesn't want help then she enjoys being miserable and that's the way she wants to live. Let her go if you have another vision of what life should be.
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reader, Buriedbyit +, writes (21 February 2011):
Buriedbyit is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Ib193: Thanks for the thoughtful reply, it's not one I expected and gives me food for thought. When your father left, was your mother able to cope with it? Was your father blamed?
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reader, lb193 +, writes (21 February 2011):
 Your wife sounds exactly like my mother. She really broke my father down through out their marriage with her negativity to the point where I wanted them to be apart. My father was hopelessly in love with the woman he met 25 years ago, and she just disappeared. Now that they are apart, I find that they are better people and parents. My father is dating a very nice woman who gives him the love he deserves, while my mother is working on her personal issues and is beginning to love life.I've spoken to my father about her changes, and though he is happy for her, he has never been this happier with his life since I've known him. I know he was trying to keep the marriage together for my sisters and I, but there's nothing we wanted more for our parents than for them to enjoy life.The best thing to do is talk about your feelings. Not only with your wife, but maybe with your children too. I'm very sorry about your troubles. I hope all goes well and that both you and your wife find happiness, whether it be together or apart.
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