A
male
age
51-59,
*heDoctor
writes:How do you get over a seperation?Just got seperated from my wife of one year and are getting divorced.She has moved out of our flat and I am still in it but movng to a new place soon.This was my first major relationship and got married because I "knew" she was the one. I feel hurt,lost,dissapointed and keep asking why.She said she got "fed up" with it all. She came from a 6 year violent marriage then to a complete oppisite to a stable relationship with me. We both suffer from depression and she has an artheritis condition since she had since she was 15.We are both 35.She was a very fussy and difficult person to live with and set in her ways.Im an easy going and patient person but we started to get on each others nerves and arguing over petty things that would irritate us both.Still not got a definitive answer apart from just "fed up". I cry every night thinking about her and why she gave up so easily in giving it another go. I feel let down by her because marriages are a two way thing and other marriages have split up for far worse than simple arguing.Every couple argues and have bad times.So why did she give up so easily?I dont understand.
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male
reader, TheDoctor +, writes (18 July 2008):
TheDoctor is verified as being by the original poster of the question Things are moving on now and I feel more possitive today as I am looking forward moving into my new studio apartment.Already packed and my good mate Steve is helping move on Sunday.Getting a man in a van to the big stuff next Wednseday. Get the keys to new place tommorow.YEY.Packing has kept my mind busy.Did meet her today to sort tax stuff and was OK ish although Id upset her her cos I text a mate of hers.LOng story but she wasn't happy and I apologized saying in was the heat of the moment.Left on OK terms as I said I still care for her and worried hows shes coping.Her parents have been texting me asjing the same. I feel now that it laid to rest and I can't wait to move into new flat tommorow.Thanks you guys for you help. :) xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): Hi Dear Doctor,
I know how hard it is. This thing is painfull and it will take time to heal. Your keeping busy and that's the main thing. There are plenty of friends around and it's at times like this that they come into their own. Have a good time today and tomorrow, try and have some fun. Here are some links that might help you out, wikihow is especially good and has all type of tips.... It's still early days, and if you get sad, it's alright to cry. (even men cry sometimes) If it interfers with your depression or you mood becomes seriously low, then contact your doctor and tell them what is going on.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html
http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Sadness
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A
male
reader, TheDoctor +, writes (14 July 2008):
TheDoctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate you guys.Glad I found this forum.Thank you for your support.This is the worse moment of my life right now but as I said friends have been texting me all the time and my parents are coming tommorow.Going to my friends house tonight to talk.Someone I work with.Never thought I had so many friends but I do.There is hope there somewhere.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): Thats the thing. At times things just have to go up because they can't get any worse.
Friends are fantastic support, and its good that they understand and feel for you. In time you will find someone else. You can enjoy your life feeling free and independant. You have no more responsibilites on the family front.
Its good that your still friends though, even if there is no hope.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): Your doing all the right things. Friends are a great support. I know it seems bad, but as you said, time will heal the pain. This is an experience in love, not a failure. The love may be there, but believe me, it's better this way. Depression is a difficult condition and if you both have it, things would have gotten really bad. If you need to talk there is always somebody here.
Please take care of you, and thanks for the update, you have been very thoughtfull and kind. Blessings, may good luck travel with you.
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A
male
reader, TheDoctor +, writes (14 July 2008):
TheDoctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFanks guys.Time is a great healer and there is no chance of us getting back now.We've been texting to make ammends.Shes coming round today to pick up the rest of her stuff.Im not going to be here while shee packs as I don't want to see her.We are both still freinds and Im moving on and starting a fresh.All my friends have been rallying around me and been giving great support. Im looking forward to having my own place again and doing things the way I want. Have got right royally drunk with friends just to let it all out and have fun like I used to. Things are looking up and as I said already time is a great healer.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): You wife seems to have made a very sensible decision, it seems you are incompatiable and do not get on. She was right to end your relationship before you both got hurt.
"She was a very fussy and difficult person to live with and set in her ways.Im an easy going and patient person but we started to get on each others nerves and arguing over petty things that would irritate us both."
Your relationship would have got worse and worse, your feelings would have turned to hate. She realised you were both different and she realised that you couldn't work on your differences because they would never change. Please, please be gratefull to your wife, she's trying to save you a lot of pain. It's not that she dosen't care, but by her actions, she has shown she care's about you a lot. Sometimes love is not enough, and I think it's not enough in this situation. Your very different people, and you only make each other unhappy. I'm so sorry, but it's for the best. Be thankfull to her for her wisdom and be gentle with yourself, because it's difficult for squares and circles to live together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): You can't assume why people give up like that.
Maybe shes been like that for a while and just can't deal with it anymore.
Personally, I think you should give yourself a week for both of you to think about things. Then I want you to call her up, ask her whats what and ask to see a marriage consuellor. Explain how much you want to save your marriage, how much you love her and that every couple goes through this.
Look up some apology phrases, some sweet stuff. By her presents but don't harrass her. If shes really had enough you might have to start the process of moving on. But really have a go. Its your marriage and you need to move the point that your marriage is so worth saving to her, because she seems to lost faith.
Bring her back that faith in your marriage and you.
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