A
male
age
41-50,
*ownandout
writes:I apologize in advance for the long story. There is so much involved, I know it's not as bad as others on this site, but it feels like a tragedy to me :(We had a simple disagreement a couple of weeks ago, laughable compared to some of the other arguments we have had in the past. She ended the argument by saying she was done with me. It took me aback and I asked her elaborate, and she told me that she was generally unhappy, and that where she is now is not what she wanted in life. Not much more came from that until a little later where after a week of her treating me awfully (discreetly so Courtney wouldn't know) I confronted her and insisted on a reason why she is treating me like this. It was then that everything came out. She told me that I was mean, and had no ambition, and the list when on until I felt as though I was 4 inches tall. She said that she was going to stay at her parents house.After that I finally began to notice some things that were odd/out of character for her. I noticed that she was guarding her cell phone and her computer like a pit bull. If I reached for her phone even just to hand it to her and she would immediately become aggressive. I'm in the IT industry and have setup a nice home office for her, her computer equipment has been setup and tweaked just right for her, and always in the past she has been proud of it and happy that I maintained it for her and kept it in such good repair. No so anymore. I decide what the heck and I look at my cell phone bill. To my dismay I find seven pages to the history, containing several hours of phone conversations with my good friend from work, and 7 PAGES of text messages back and forth. I panicked. I went to the house where she is staying, and helped her get her internet setup there. I managed to look at her cell phone and found a text from last night bearing evidence that they met. After that I showed her the cell phone bill and she laughed about it swearing that it was all innocent, including the day where he texted her starting at 630am and stopping at around 10pm. She then continued by saying that I was being posessive and I should mind my own business. By noon her phone was cancelled and she had gotten another phone.I knew in my heart that this guy was an over all good person. I thought he was a moral, God fearing man. But I'm beginning to think otherwise. I'm pretty sure it's over between us, there is no changing her mind. How do I cope with this betrayal from two important people in my life? Do I press on for the truth or do I let it go? Is there anything I could gain in the divorce by finding the truth?Thank you so much!
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ambition, best friend, divorce, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): You are so much better off without this woman! The lack of respect she has shown you is mindblowing. I don't think you need to ask for the truth. You know it. She IS cheating... and lying... and has abused your trust and love. Don't put yourself through the pain and humiliation of a confrontation unless you want to do it to convey how hurt and betrayed you feel.
Whether you decide you would like to walk, or somehow mend the relationship, the first step is to gather all your stuff and refuse to take her calls or see her until your head stops spinning. Also, see a divorce lawyer and do some research. If your wife wants you back, she should cut off ALL contact with her lover and agree to see a marriage counselor with you. See www.marriagebuilders.com, "surviving infidelity", for a good overview... you'll see that your wife's behavior is sadly commonplace. You might be interested in Plans A and B (from the following site):
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html
Once the romance of sneaking around is over, and the reality of being in a new relationship sinks in, your wife may not find it's so fun anymore. Also if you're incommunicado, she's going to be dying to talk to you-- first to abuse you, then maybe try to excuse herself, etc.
(BTW, to the poster dude1, I think you do us a disservice when you generalize that "women have a tendency to fly off the handle". Flying off the handle is a human tendency of both sexes.)
A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Confront her.
When she admits it (and by it,I mean, she's having an affair with your office mate), get your crap and anything of HERS that YOU got for her and leave. File for divorce.
It's women like her who disgust me so much; she used that argument as an excuse to get out while making it feel like it was your fault in the first place.
It's NOT your fault, by the way, she's a grown woman, she can make her own decisions. Now she has to reap what she sowed.
I hope things work out for you and I'm sorry that this happened to you.
Keep me posted.
xo
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A
female
reader, c3c3znumba1 +, writes (15 June 2008):
forget her if she cheats its her problem not yours. She may soon realize what a mistake she's made but don't give in. She does not deserve 2 have a faithful love
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): Simple... confront both her and your 'friend' at the same time. Invite the mate over for dinner without you gf's permission or notification.
Then over dinner ask them for the truth. The cold, hard truth. Tell them that if they keep choosing to go behind your back then you will make sure their lives are a living hell until they tell you the truth.
It is more than obvious that they are either cheating or organisibng a suprise party. Somehow I don't think its the latter.
You need to persist, never ever give up. Evenentually they will crack and then you can see if there is anything left of the relationship worth salvaging.
If I were you I would take eveything you own, anything bought with YOUR money and the leave. Let the idiots have each other. I would also make sure they knew that you don't hate them, but are simply disappointed that your gf couldn't even work up the guts to work on the problem with you.
Flynn 24
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