A
female
age
41-50,
*ver thinker
writes:I've been with my husband for 18 years, we were high school sweethearts and married when I was 22. We have 4 kids together and love a very comfortable life. We have a good relationship , we argue like any normal couple but we don't have any huge fights or issues. Unfortunately our sex lives are the greatest. We both made huge career changes in the last three years. I left the work force to be a stay at home mom after our youngest was born and my husband taking a huge promotion at his job. The past year we had sex once or twice a month.I'm worried the he could be cheating even though I honestly don't think he would. I have gained roughly 70lbs during the last few years and struggle daily to get the weight off. He is extremely encouraging but at the same time telling me to not stress over it and that he loves me for me and that my body is a result of four amazing kids we made together.I have mentioned our decreased sex life and he says we are both just so busy that it hard to find time. I asked if he was cheating and he said he never wanted me to feel like he wouldDo that and offered to show me his phone, email or anything else I needed as he had nothing to hide. He wasn't angry but said he felt bad that I didn't feel secure in our relationship.Now I feel bad, how can help rekindle our sex love when I feel so bad about my physical appearance
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2016): Hi there,
I am sorry that you gain 70lb. Well, your husband loves you no matter how you look. But , being honest he will feel attraction to slim women's. He will wish tohave someone like them. You don't have to worry It's very easy to be like them. Just need little hard work.
To be healthy is good for our self and for our self steam.
I lost more then 50lb in three months.
I follow 21 day fix plan for four month with no break.
It's very very easy. Only 30 min every day simply excersice and healthy meal. Hope you can get success with 21day fix.
Mishi.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 September 2016):
 You are unhappy within yourself, that does not mean your husband is unhappy, am sure he would want to see you healthier but that does not mean he is willing to cheat on you.
I think it is time that you changed your lifestyle so that you can lead a happier life and marriage. Do you do much exercise? Add more, go for long walks with the kids, play football with them, dance around with them, just be as active as you can with them.
Make small changes to your diet. Cut out on fried food, carbonated drinks, creamy foods, and eat more fruit and veg, make more food in the oven or grill. A few small changes can make a world off difference.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (16 September 2016):
 What two thing do Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, Demi Moore, Elin Nordegren, Maria Shriver, Gwen Stefani, Jennifer Garner, and Halle Berry have with each other??
1. They are perfect 10's. Scorching hot, perfect body, thronged by men everywhere they go, icons of fashion and beauty, I could go on and on.
2. Their husbands cheated on them, many of them with women who weren't in the same league as these demigoddesses.
My point is - your weight wouldn't make a good guy stray, and your perfect 10 beauty wouldn't make a bad man stay faithful. Morally bankrupt and unfaithful men don't need a reason. They may make up some excuse to try and justify their actions after the fact, but in truth, a cheater will cheat on anyone with anyone.
You're getting into the middle-age stretch, and you're not feeling good about yourself because you're staying home, you feel like you're in a rut, and your sex life has tanked some. Don't go from zero to "HE's CHEATING!" simply because YOU are feeling vulnerable and insecure with who and where you are in life. If you start accusing him over and over, that could drive him away. He hasn't said anything about your weight, and in fact, he's been really good to you about it.
Time has also been running havoc on him as well. That slows down sex drives as well as stress, possible recreational porn use or masturbation, and in truth, getting into a rut in the marriage as well. It sneaks up on us all, where our relationship and sex lives have an ebb and a flow to them.
We'll start with your physical appearance. That's the easiest, most obvious thing to change! That's the source of your insecurity, so you have 100% power over it! Weight Watchers, Fitbit, the gym or fitness club! Power walking! Get to the doctor for a full metabolic physical and diagnosis and get a referral to the dietitian for a complete diet tailored to your personal metabolism.
At 70 lbs, you're not totally out of control at this point, but if you can't make the changes on your own, lap band surgery or some sort of temporary surgery may work wonders for you. It's NOT a magic pill, but you'll have to adhere to a much more restrictive diet to handle it. That's the last option though. If you can get on a lifestyle changing program, that's much better!
Your mental and emotional well-being will take a HUGE positive push once you get past the first month soreness and shaking the cobwebs off of your bad habits and inertia. You'll go from wondering if he's straying to him wondering what YOU'RE up to because you'll start looking and feeling like a million bucks. You'll WANT to have sex then, and you'll go from wondering why his appetite has diminishes to grabbing him and tearing his clothes off of him the moment you two get some time alone.
Since you're the one at home, you get to choose the family diet as well. You don't need thousands of dollars in home equipment to lose weight either. You just need some headphones and some happy feet. If you can take one hour per day to go to a gym, or getting a used rowing machine, or taking an exercise or aerobic dance class (I recommend those for beginners! That's fun!), it'll cost less and be better than any drug or anti-depressant out there.
I agree with Nora about scheduling special dates with your husband as well. At the 18 year mark, it's easy to confuse an actual date with dragging a spouse off to shop for furnace repair companies to fix the weird smell.
But make no mistake - a cheater will cheat. He could be feeling just as self-conscious as you! Guys obsess over receding hairlines, hair growing in weird places, their prostates, arthritis in the knees, a whole host of issues. If your guy isn't a cheater, then he'll stay with you! Sounds like your guy is a great guy, and you have no suspicion other than your own feelings about your body. He just got a promotion at work, which sounds like you're worried about new people he'll meet as well. Time to give yourSELF a bit of a promotion too!
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (16 September 2016):
Yes i can understand the way you are thinking,its not always easy to keep to a strict weight plan.However would you consider walking extra every day,maybe join a gym,and perhaps eat smaller amount of food,not alone will you feel happy for yourself,and you husband will appreciate your effort.You have from your letter a very stable relationship with your husband, he is understanding and accepts you as you are,which is an added gift.can After many years of being married to the same person,and both people working hard,it can and does put a damper on the sex life,without anyone cheating.So why not plan for a weekend away just the 2 of you.Or a candlelit dinner either at home or in a hotel,or some favourite place your husband might like to eat.Best luck NORA B.
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