A
female
age
36-40,
*ebe girlie
writes:Dear Readers,I just got married and I feel very depressed that my wedding turned out to be very different than i excpected. I had a contract with a famous designer in Kuwait and she totally screwed up, its my fault i didnt check with the design. I should have took oponions from other people and followed up with the wedding designer but i didnt. (because im such a lazy person)..and I trusted her......I dont know whats wrong with me..the wedding was fine and people had fun but it is not the way i wanted it to be...the regret is building up in me everyday... THE WORDS, "I WISH" , " I COULDA" "I SHOULDA", are hunting me!!!...Its been 2 month now and all I think about is my wedding design and that this is the only wedding i will have......These thoughts are affecting my relationshsip with my husband..Im always feeling down and guilty..Even when we are having sex im thinking of the wedding..I have been quite distant from people since that day.. I dont know what to do, Can i have your advice? Please keep in mind that im a very sensitive person and always easily affected by situations. Thanks :** Hiba
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): I have been to many weddings and believe me I have seen it all in terms of mistakes! To be honest, I don't really remember the finer details of the weddings I have been to and I am sure no one else is dwelling on your wedding, only to remember the wonderful memories of that day. One of my friends moaned her way through her entire wedding that things weren't right instead of enjoying herself come what may! I can't recall one wedding that has gone entirely smoothly. Very often people will look at the mishaps with great affection as my family do with some of the weddings we have been to.
Your marriage is far more important than the wedding - focus on that.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (25 June 2008):
No one's wedding is perfect. My reception was nothing like the way I wanted it. And it still upsets me a little bit a year on - but here's the thing. It only upsets me when I start thinking about it.
You say this is the only wedding you'll have.... not if you keep going on like this because you really should be focusing on your marriage right now and not your wedding.
Why not plan a HUGE party for your 1 year anniversary and wear something amazing for that and get your hubbie a gorgeous matching suit. You won't be limited by style or colour or tradition, so you can make it a crazy ball gown or anything else.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): If your issues are just about the dress then I think you have hope that in time you will move on from this. There is a lot of pressure in your mind to be perfect and things rarely are day to day so why on earth would a wedding be different? At least you didn't have emotional crises on your wedding day regarding peoples behaviour. On my wedding day my ex was late, my mother in law insulted my mother before I'd even arrived and my husband did not turn around to watch me and my wonderful dress float down the aisle as I'd imagined he would and then, to add to it, he kissed me on the cheek at the alter (I felt like his grandma not his new wife). Personally when marrying again (which I hope I will get the chance)I will put less pressure on myself and it may just go right. Try and put the dress in context of the day. You could try EFT or hypnosis or CBT for these issues you have if they are overwhelming and this is a trait in you check with your doc - it would be worth finding a technique to help you deal with spiralling negative thoughts that never go away.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (25 June 2008):
 We all know that the wedding is the BIG DAY and I can understand why you are upset about it.
But like all things, it's no use brooding on the past. Everyone makes mistakes, and if we spent all their lives regretting all the mistakes we made we could never live in the present.
The trick is to think to the future. Never make that KIND OF mistake again (you won't be able to make the same mistake unless you remarry). Try and live a happy fulfilling life by doing things properly for the rest of your life. There are more important decisions than choosing wedding gowns. Things like having healthy children, educating them properly, having a marvellous life with your husband. These are the things you should be concentrating on, not something that has already happened and can't be changed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): Would have, could have, should have.... BUT YOU DIDN'T. These thoughts are a waste of time. The past is the past and no matter how many times you think it over, you cannot change a thing. The wedding is over, you should be concentrating on the marriage now. Who care's that things went wrong, who cares if you got married in a paper sack. The point of a wedding is to gain a husband, not to have the best dress ever.
You think about the wedding whilst your having sex... you and your husband are having problems because of the wedding. Lady are you crazy, don't you love your husband, don't you want to stay married. If you don't get your priorities straightened out, your husband will divorce you. Is that what you want to happen. Well at least it will give you an excuse to get married again and have the perfect wedding that seems to mean more to you than the man you married. Unfortunately, the next wedding won't be with this guy who loves you, but with somebody else.
If it means so much to you, then just do it again. Have another celebration after your married for a year (if your husband dosen't divorce you first because of your obsession) You can renew your vows of love and commitment wearing the dress you always wanted to wear. A waste of money to me, but at least it allows you to do something with the present, instead of sticking yourself in the torment of the past.
Can I ask you a question. In your obsession do you even remember the wedding. What did your husband look like, what did he say to you, what was the kiss like, what did people say about the wedding, what did they say about the man you married. Dress, and trimmings are material goods, they don't matter in life. Husbands, love, friendship, commitment, family, these are the things that are important and this is what you should be concentrating on now.
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A
female
reader, Star_07  +, writes (25 June 2008):
 I think you are way too focused on the "perfect wedding" but the truth is, there is no such a thing in the real world. Things dont alaways go as planned and thats just how life is! Try to forget about everything that went wrong and instead think about the things that went well. Only remember the good things and the not-so-good will fade away.
The wedding is just one day. The more important thing is the rest of your life with your husband and thats what really matters. It matters that your friends and family gathered together to watch you get married to the man who you love and cherish. Think about that and stop worrying about the coulda, woulda, shouldas!
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