A
female
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anonymous
writes:Im the person who wrote in about my fella not been able to give me the love and affection i need.I got 2 answers and they said forget him.Well he called me and said that he was willing to change.He said that i should write a list out of all the things that needed changing,i said no but he kept going on.Do you think he is genuine this time.I was so fed up with him showing less emotion and only being affectionate if it lead to sex.Do you think i should give him a second chance? Can a man like that change?Writing a list seems a bit daft though? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2005): The other alternative is for you to accept that he shows his love differently than you do. There's a book somewhere about "Love languages" or something. I've never read it, but some people in my family have, and they talk about it constantly. From the sound of it, there's something to it. My grandfather never tells people he loves them - he's a gruff, rather crotchety old man. But we all know he loves us; he just shows it differently. Where my grandmother gives hugs and kisses and tells us how great we are, my grandfather doesn't. But you know what he does? He makes breakfast. This is a man who grew up in an era where cooking and cleaning was a woman's work. But he always makes us breakfast. He sounds grouchy when he asks how many pancakes we want, but he's miserable if people bring donuts or something so he's not needed. He shows us he cares by complaining about our driving late at night, etc., etc.My immediate family has always been very affectionate in the touchy sort of way -- lots of hugs and kisses. It's what I'm used to, and I'd always assumed that was the only way, particularly in romantic relationships. But my current bf just isn't like that. He rarely initiates physical contact without it leading to hooking up. That's partly bc he's a guy and always wants to hook up. But it's also partly b/c it just doesn't occur to him. He shows he cares for me in other ways; once I learned to see those, I stopped feeling so insecure about things.If your guy is willing to work on things, you should give him a chance if you care about him. Just don't expect a miracle, and remember that relationships are about compromises -- you have to learn how to accept him for who he is, even as he tries to change to make you happier.
A
female
reader, Phyrekiss +, writes (9 December 2005):
 You ever heard the saying "a leopard never changes its spots"? This is also true when it comes to men. They can say they want to change, and even attempt it, but will always fall back into their regular patterns. You can try the list, and try to see if he is really genuinly changing, but the chances are very small that he actually will change. You will end up beign more hurt in the long run than anything. The decision is up to you, but just be aware of what can happen.
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