A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do about my life and my relationship and I need some help and advice.So I have been with my partner for almost 5 years now. The first two years we're challenging for us, I found messages, images etc. on his phone ( I know I shouldn't have gone on his phone but I had suspicions and I was right. I have apologised for this). This broke the trust in our relationship massively as I wasn't very confident in myself anyway. I was contemplating breaking up with him as I didn't know what to do, shortly after this my mother passed away, and he was there for me. So we decided to brush things to the side and work on our relationship. He used to go out on a weekend quite a lot and also go on lads holidays but I trust him, and he betrayed me. Stupidly, I forgave him and we agreed to work on our relationship. However, still now when he goes out for a drink or on a night out, I can't help but think he's doing the same thing. What if he's flirting with other girls, messaging other girls, exchanging pictures etc. It isn't a healthy way to live or think as it's literally all I think about when he's out and I cant eat/sleep until he's home and I know where he is.Since then, we've had up and down moments. Sometimes I think things are going well, however sometimes I ask myself why I let things go. There's still something in the back of my mind, obviously I won't forget what he has done and I'm not 100% sure I have forgiven him. Whenever he goes out, I still can't help but think if he's messaging other girls. Recently I have been contemplating ending the relationship as it causes me stress and anxiety, he doesn't realise how worked up I get when he's out and I don't know who he's with. I don't want to be the girl who doesn't let her boyfriend go out with his mates, or tells him he can't. I want to be able to trust him. One of the reasons I haven't ended things is because I'm scared. We live together, and have for almost 2 years, but I don't have much family left to turn to and I'm scared of being lonely. He is all I know and all I'm used to and I hate the fact I've got to this point. I do love him, of course, I'm just tired of feeling like this. So I've been with my partner for 4 years, we have had ups and downs like every couple but within the first two years of being together I found out he had been messaging other girls on social media and also exchanging images. He used to go out on a weekend quite a lot and also go on lads holidays but I trust him, and he betrayed me. Stupidly, I forgave him and we agreed to work on our relationship. However, still now when he goes out for a drink or on a night out, I can't help but think he's doing the same thing. What if he's flirting with other girls, messaging other girls, exchanging pictures etc. It isn't a healthy way to live or think as it's literally all I think about when he's out and I cant eat/sleep until he's home and I know where he is.I need some serious advice and help on what to do because I can't live like this. I have tried to talk to him but he isn't one for serious chats and always says 'That's in the past, I'll prove it to you'. He's all talk and no action. How can he prove me wrong?I really need some help and advice from an outsider. I honestly don't know where to turn to and what to do for the best. Thank you in advance x
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female
reader, malvern +, writes (26 February 2018):
 Your boyfriend is not making you happy and now you don't trust him. It's not an ideal life. You need to leave him because you can't live your life like this. You are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you so don't commit yourself to somebody who is messing you about because life's too short. It's easier to get out now than it is when you're older. It will be painful to leave but you need to find somewhere else to live either on your own or with a female friend. Don't be afraid to be lonely because eventually you will meet somebody else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2018): It doesn't sound as if you'll ever regain trust in him and can't say I blame you. You're right. The stress and anxiety you feel is not a healthy way to live.
If you don't think you can get over the trust issue, then it would be better to leave. Tell him the truth as to why you are leaving in a mature matter-of-fact matter. Don't be angry. Just let it go and leave. It takes time, but you will get over this. You're young and have a lot of life left to live and enjoy.
You say you don't have much family. Do you have friends you can talk to and hang out with? If you do leave the key is to keep busy.
Have a think about this and decide if you can continue with the lack of trust, stress and anxiety this relationship causes you. The sooner you cut the cord the better off you'll be.
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