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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My three daughters (they'll 5, 4, and 8 but mainly my oldest) treat my girlfriend (of a year) like crap. She (my oldest) tells my gf or me to f*** off or to drop died (her sisters are starting to copy her). She have been acting like this since she started hanging out with this boys (hes her age) that go to her school and began friends. He swear at adults and pick on a lot of kids. I got many calls from her teacher. Before she was she was friends with him she was a very nice and sweet girl. When my wife died three years ago it and started me dating again my girls had had really like my gf. They had problems adjusting to moving on with me. any idea? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Firefighter's Wife 09  +, writes (3 February 2009):
Something else I forgot to say. If your daughter stops being friends with the boy, it might all just stop on its own but she has learned a new behavior that pushes your buttons so that will still have to be dealt with. Also, get your 8 year old to understand and behave and the other 2 should just follow right behind her.
A
female
reader, Firefighter's Wife 09 +, writes (3 February 2009):
Havingg parents that are divorced and remarried I have seen this behavior in not only me but my older sister as well. Its not the same as losing the parent I know but a new authority figure can seriously screw with a kids head. It is not your fault at all! Keep that in mind! As long as you are happy and its a good relationship for the girls there shouldn't be hesitation on your part to continue this relationship. Your oldest girl from my point of view is feeling several things on top of having a bad influence with a dirty mouth. She needs to be cut off from him, she will be mad but kids that age make friends so easily she will completely forget about him in a couple weeks. Be careful how you handle it because she could end up resenting you for it if handled badly. On top of having a bad friend, she is sad which of course you know. You and your girlfriend both know that she will never replace her mother but for a child of that age its very difficult to understand. Your 8 year old sees her daddy with another woman and though she may not understand why she doesn't like it, even though she has had a year to come to terms with the situation. If you believe in it, a child therapist might be pulled in to help dig up her feelings and help her deal. Also you sitting down with her, which I'm sure you have already done, and making sure she knows that even though no one can replace her mother, your girlfriend can one day be her friend to help her through all those girly things I'm sure you don't want to handle. Children usually act out and like the last agony aunt said, she will push you until she breaks you unless you start to set up boundaries. A child therapist can help you with that. She is still young and has a lot to learn! The curse jar is a great idea! You have to carefully help her to learn right from wrong again. Everything going on I'm sure has distorted her reality. I promise, it gets easier! Just hang in there and thank god every day for your girls and I'm sure an amazing girlfriend that is helping you through this! Stay strong! This too shall pass! Good luck!
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female
reader, saoirse +, writes (3 February 2009):
 I honestly want to say that from the bottom of my heart I feel for you. I am so sorry at the loss of your wife, and that your children are putting you through this. However, you need to pull in the reins immediately. Your immediate action should be to cut off contact between your oldest daughter and this peer of hers. There is absolutely no reason an 8 year old should be using words like that, especially to her family and their friends. If she is being influenced by someone, cut them off. You are her parent, and she is much too young to have any say or control. Secondly remember that often times, children with or without a deceased parent act out because they are trying to find their boundaries, and they are actually looking to know that someone is still there to keep them grounded.My suggestion would be to take the oldest daughter aside, without your girlfriend or other children present, and speak to her openly and honestly. Tell her that you are very disappointed with her disrespect for you and for your girlfriend, and that what she is doing is hurting you very deeply because you love her and her sisters above anyone else and that you would not bring anyone into their lives who would harm them. Ask her how she FEELS bout you seeing someone, and if there is something she doesn't like about your new girlfriend. Next, set clear and defined rules that she and the other girls must follow. As soon as those words leave their mouth tell them that they will not speak like that, and then put them in a time out place for the number of minuets that they are old. After their time out is over, have them explain to you why they were in time and and then formally apologize to you, and whoever else may have heard it because in all honesty its offensive to everyone. BE CONSISTENT! Do the same thing, every time for every girl. Realize that in every type of single parent situation, there is the possibility for the child to get upset and try and put your new spouse away. Do not let them see you react. Most of the time kids are looking for a reaction. They WANT to upset you. As much as it hurts you, keep your face blank when they do it and punish them. Your children are old enough that they can do chores regularly anyway, but tack on more when they've misbehaved. Also, if they have an allowance, set up a "curse jar" that they have to put money into every time they curse. Please, start now setting boundaries, and taking back your children. Because if you don't it will escalate beyond your control, and you may end up loosing both your children, and your girlfriend. good luck, S.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (3 February 2009):
 I think your girls may need some professional help. This is no way for an 8 year old to behave and I think we both know the reasons why it is happening.
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