A
female
age
30-35,
*aded
writes:Unfortunately, this is going to be...yet another cry for help for the eternal forbidden love section.I already imagine eyes rolling...somewhere, in front of a screen. I usually don`t ask for help in matters like these, but now I am totally confused and I need a little bit of enlightment.so...I might be infatuated with x,who is a professor. The man`s not married and seems the type who preffers to keep things like that as he is not yet in his 30s.and no, I am not underage!It`s weird, because in this situation we cannot speak about any kind of abuse, jeopardised career or schoolgirl crush, because we`re both adults and in the superior education system there aren`t mentioned any kind of rules that would contradict such an infatuation, except, of course, moral principles that some might have.I rely on your answers as I am confused by X`s behaviour towards me, and at times, his (un)wanted attention it`s oh so ...obvious.I attended several classes assisted by him lately, besides those I was assigned to, because I was either bored or either irritated with some theoretical tricks in the subjects.Although he knows I wasn`t assigned to them he asked me questions related to the subjects, and kept doing that with every occasion.At our courses he`s pretty ordinary, yet intelligent and is fascinating to follow and dissect his line of thought, although he never asked me something course-related,but always listened to me with his full attention when I was suggesting something or answering subject-related questions.My "love-related-problem" started when I began staring in fascination at him during breaks, only to notice, to my surprise that my looks were being returned ultraspeed. i found it endearing and, as he is quite the mysterious character I wanted to find out more about his interests and what deffined him as a person.Once, as a joke, I even declared eternal love to him only to find out he was walking next to me on the street.Oh...the shame!oh...if looks could kill!After that, everything became accelerated. It`s a rare occasion for a someone who teaches there to remember any student`s name, as they always read them from lists or point at you when they want you to answer their questions. Well...I became a rarity as x is always reffering to me as "miss y" to the surprise of the colleagues and is quite gallant around me, always good-morning-ing me on the hallway, when we meet, of course.The interrogations out of my class increased, and he still calls me "miss y"when i`m not attending my own group courses.It has become painful to stay put at his classes as i know his eyes bore into mine as I try to be as inconspicuous as possible. He questions me out of the blue, and I can say he`s surprised that I get to answer all his questions well. I get the feeling he`s doing this because he thinks I`m not paying enough attention during the courses and asks me this and that to test me. I don`t feel disturbed, but it`s unnatural to stress so much attention on a single student out of hundreds. At a recent examination, to my stupor I found him reading my paper after we finished. Of course i felt important noticing that, and even went up to his table to excuse my lack of follow-through in the subject, because I returned the paper without finishing answering the questions as i was getting bored. x surprised me again by telling me that there shouldn`t be a problem, that he assumes i will get an above average grade anyway.as I can`t trust these signals he throws as if were stones I need a quick and serious answer from you, guys!I`m looking forward to the results at the exam!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): if the grade situation is really bothering you, you can ask him about it before or after school, but it might not be what you think. maybe you simply did really well! it makes sense that he would praise you for such a high score.
A
female
reader, faded +, writes (25 January 2010):
faded is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your comment! It`s been useful, but lately..
you see...
a few weeks ago he brought in the test results.
He brought only a few results from my group, and of course, he brought mine. with every student he did the followng thing: asked them to come in front and sit in the empty seat there, which means a considerable 2 meters distance. He kept making comments on their paper and asking them questions and then dismissed them. Well...to everyone except me.
I hesitated between going straight to him and sitting in the front desk. He told me to come to his side, and praised me. I don`t know whether I felt anger, emulation, or simply fear out of the predictability of the situation. I took an A, but I later discovered he modified my grade from an A- to A+. Disturbing. I really wanted to ask him about it after we finished. I couldn`t bring myself to do it as I thought that maybe I`m imagining things and started asking formalities instead.I gave him sufficient feedback to let me go. I thought that he`ll let me as his mobile beeped, but he silenced it and turned back to me. I felt awful. his attention always makes me feel like this, it`s good yet bad, but I have to distance myself from it because it doesn`t let me be. I can`t concentrate and I can`t do good on my tests. and he`s always been regarding me with superiority as if he`s expecting me to be extra brilliant all of a sudden. he places a kind of burden on me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): Of course if you get involved with him its no crime, but teacher-student relationships even if you are of age are often looked upon in a bad light. This is generally because in a case similar to yours the professor is more often than not taking advantage of the student in some way or other - maybe even unintentionally.
However, you seem to be heading in the right direction - thats getting to know him better. As long as you continue doing this for a sufficient amount of time I'm sure you'll be able to discover his feelings for you in a more direct way.
Another thing to keep in mind is that maybe its you who's gonna make the first major move - maybe thats what your relationship needs to set things off. Just don't rush into anything!
I hope all goes well,
:D Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): he seems to have feelings for you. you can date him when the class is over if he's single.
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