A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,My problem is to do with my straight best friend. For the past year I've fallen in love with her completely. She's everything I want and everything I need. I know I'm only young (I'm 15) and this is probably nothing uncommon in teenagers, but I still can't get over her. Last week while I was away on holiday, I plucked up the courage and texted her telling her exactly how I feel about her. She said that if she was to ever fall for a girl it would 100% be me. We always tell eachother we love eachother. We hold hands and she puts her arm around my shoulder, 2 things I have never done with any of my other close friends. Our relationship is very close, I want to spend every minute I can with her.So far our relationship has stayed the same, we're still close friends. I know she understands how I feel but I want something in return. I want to know how she feels and whether she'd be interested in a relationship with me. How do I go about asking her without ruining our friendship?She's interested in boys, but she doesn't know any that she likes enough to go out with. She hasn't had a boyfriend for a couple of years now, which I see as a good thing for me.I just thought I'd add that in the relationship I'll do anything that she feels comfortable with. It would be a private relationship with probably only a few close friends knowing about it. I'm not pursuing any sexual fantasies or anything with her, I don't want that type of relationship because I lost my virginity 2 months ago, and I really regretted doing so. I just love her so much and I want to be with her so badly. Thanks in advance for any help you can give me.x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): Thanks for your replies.Part of me wants to get over her and just care for her and love her as a best friend would, but a bigger part of me just can't let go. My mind is thinking that if I get over her and she was interested and told me then I'd be uninterested and it would all have been for nothing. I don't know what to do. I'm gonna stop pestering her and just show her how much she means to me and see how it goes from there on. I can still love her without her knowledge can't I? Maybe if she thinks I'm over her she'll grow further away from me. I hate this situation. I wish you could make people love you back.Life is so unfair.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2008): I agree with the female reader. Your very, very lucky that you have such a good friend that even though you love her, still remains your friend. Most girls would freak out and bitch about it.
She might've of just been sweet when she said if it was any girl she would be with, it would be you. She might not be ready to come out yet with bisexuality - who knows?! But I don't suggest you keep asking her and pestering her (I'm not saying its your fault) but she will start getting irritated and your friendship will fall through the roof.
A lot of teenagers, your right, do feel like this. I have a theory that it might be because its real love, but their hormones are all over the place and they don't know how to deal with it. It could be obsession, limerence, infatuation - I'd check out that limerence term on wiki if it is you.
Its unlikely you will be with her. I think you should be as supportive, and caring as you can for a friend and as good as she is being with you - she can't do anymore. She doesn't like you (or shes not prepared to come out yet but I wouldn't cling onto that idea).
I am sorry I can't bring better news, but I guarantee if you do something about it now, you won't be like this in a month. If you do nothing you'll be in the same position as you are now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2008): One of my straight female freinds said to me, out of all our female freinds I would sleep with you. What she meant by that and your freind too, is that if she was gay, she would fall for you but she's not. I think it's time you started moving on, if your freind is bisexual maybe she's not ready to come out yet? like you said, your both very young. I would let it go
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