A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my bf are in a serious relationship and have plans to get married by hopefully next year. There's one issue that has been bothering me though.. he sometimes flirts with women online or on the phone. He has done this a few times in the past year. The first time was when we were having problems and then broke up for awhile. We got back together after and everything were great. To me, casual flirting if fine but recently I caught him was flirting with this married women. He asked her out on dates and also invited her to go on a holiday with him. When I confronted him, he just laughed and said that it meant nothing. They never went out and he was just pulling her legs. He also said that I shouldn't worry cause he loves and I'm the one he wants to marry.Deep down inside I know that he has never cheated on me. I assume he does it just to boost up his ego. Correct me if I'm wrong but is this why men does these kinda things? My concern is what if he continues doing this and it's a habit he cant break? Do you think I'm in denial to think it's all just talk with no actions?? Please help.. I love this guy and I know he loves me very much. But his occasional flirts with women and asking them to go away on trips with him worries me.
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broke up, cheated on me, flirt, got back together, married woman Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Open your eyes dear, this guy is a player Period!!!
Ditch him and find a guy who does not flirt or ask women on dates. You deserve better than wasting your precious time with this complete and utter bastard.
A
female
reader, Twirly +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Gosh I have to say that it doesn't sound healthy at all.
I agree with the majority here in thinking you should get out while you still can, as your self esteem will continue to decrease if you stay and his flirty behaviourcontinues, or worse, escalates.
You could try tackling him seriously about it, letting him know you don't like it and won't stay with him if he doesn't stop it, but if he won't then for your own peace of mind and well-being I would cut your losses and move on.
Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Men don't come in the package you want.
You need to repackage them.
If you listen to all these women who advice you to dump him,
you will regret big time.
You will be the one who will suffer for it.
It is not that he cannot change or tone down his flirtings.
People can change because they love the other person.
Sorry , I don't reply to people who belittle or insult other's intelligence.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Laura - for heaven's sake woman - leopards don't change their spots and neither do cheaters!!
Why on earth would she want to find another man like him? She's found one asshole, why would she want another? Any woman who thinks she can change her man and 'polish' and 'refine' him is living in cloud cuckoo-land!
I really do sometimes wonder about how you live your life. Are you seriously saying that if your partner or husband cheated on you, you'd forgive him and try to polish and refine him? Would you not be so angry and upset that you'd want to rip his balls off, stuff them in his mouth and sew his lips together?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (15 April 2008):
When you flirt with the opposite sex, there is no substance in those words.
They are just empty and flirtatious talk and are not meant to be carried out.
Whatever is said is just said in jest and in a joking manner.
They are not serious words.
Sometimes, you need to see the lighter side of life.
Because of his flirting , you want to dump him?
I don't think I will agree with that.
You can tell him your feelings and let him know your boundaries and limits.
Maybe, you need to mirror back to him , his actions and only
then he will find out what it is like when you do that.
Dumping him is easy but finding another man like him maybe difficult.
It is up to you to polish and refine him.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTQ All for your replies.. WOW!!! I really didn't expect to get the Same responses from everyone!! I guess I've been blinded by love. Your replies have surely made me stronger and more aware. I actually thought that he would change someday.. but you guys are right, he has no respect for me to do those kinda things. I just hope when I leave him he won't be begging me to come back cause I might just fall for all his bullshit all over again! Anyway, thank you for your well wishes
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTQ All for your replies.. WOW!!! I really didn't expect to get the Same responses from everyone!! I guess I've been blinded by love. Your replies have surely made me stronger and more aware. I actually thought that he would change someday.. but you guys are right, he has no respect for me to do those kinda things. I just hope when I leave him he won't be begging me to come back cause I might just fall for all his bullshit all over again! Anyway, thank you for your well wishes
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A
female
reader, Porschla  +, writes (14 April 2008):
Dump him NOW! Can you really live with this kind of man and put up with his behaviour all throughout your married life? It's not too late as you are not married...
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A
female
reader, Sweet07 +, writes (14 April 2008):
o my god everyone is right here dump him now anyone can say them three little words i 'love you' dump him now. he just wants his cake and eat it. dont put up with this any longer. be strong and good luck. xxx
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A
female
reader, shea  +, writes (13 April 2008):
Don't let your feelings lead you astray on this one. My friend had a similar experience to this. She had actually been married to a man for 27 years. He had always been the "flirty" type and she viewed it as perfectly innocent fun, even though she had been repeatidly told of questionable places he had been seen and things he was seen doing. He always had an good excuse, and she always believed him. After he talked her in to taking out a fairly large loan from her retirement so he could start a "business", he left her, bought a nice home and moved his gf that he had dated FOR 3 YEARS in with him. So just watch yourself, but most of all watch him. Don't overlook something that may destroy you later. Best of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): Dump this guy now!! i know thats easier said than done but he obviously has no respect for you whatsoever and he will never ever change. Why should you have to put up with this rubbish, who does he think he is - you don't do that if you love someone.. I would give him an ultimatum if it carries on its over, show him you have guts, stand up for yourself believe me you will sleep easier at nights.Seriously no ones deserves to be treted this way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): This is an important issue.
The answer is, simply, don't marry him. End of story.
Unreliable cheater. Whether he's actually cheated or not is not the issue. He's thinking about it and that should be enough to set the alarm bells ringing!
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