A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My son, John, who's 16, told me yesterday he received two inappropriate photos from a classmate.Here in Canada, schools in our area are doing remote learning. We don't know when in-person classes will resume.My son showed me a WhatsApp he'd received from another boy which was a photo of a boy in his underwear from a "Steve" and a message telling John how hot he was.There were twelve selfies of Steve in his underwear sent to my son.John told me he was embarrassed by it, Steve was never like this before, and John isn't gay, but wonders how Steve got his number, as he'd never given it to him and only eight people (outside family) have his cellphone number.He'd never do anything like this, he understands the dangers of doing things like this and is very safety-conscious and more cautious than other people his age... the biggest risk he wants to take is learning to drive, despite a decreased interest in car ownership these days (supposedly).Isn't what Steve's done technically a crime?Why would he do this to my son, isn't this also bullying?My son is torn over reporting it, fearing it'll make them question him, but equally he wants it to go away.As it is, my wife is furious over this, said she'd discuss it with Steve's parents.But as it is, Steve's not a friend, but not an enemy or frenemy, he hardly knows our son John except by name, they're not even in the same class!What should we do?Luckily, our son isn't too badly affected by this, but he wants the situation resolved and we don't know what to do for the best.Anyone got advice before things get worse?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2021): If a boy was harassing a girl like this everyone would say go to the police.Just because the victim is a boy everyone says no police.He is still a victim!Just because he is a boy it makes no difference.If this stalker is a minor you son could get into trouble for those pics on his phone because it is child porn.You must report to protect your son legally.You also must report so this stalker gets the professional help he needs.Oh and does he need it.Are you gonna wait and let this esculate?It will not destroy this kids life to get him the help he needs...It would actually help him.Also going to his parents...not a great idea at all.Do you not know about the my kid is so great and would not do that excuse these parents use??? Call the cops so that kid gets help.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 May 2021):
 In your shoes I would, first and foremost, make sure these photographs are actually coming from "Steve". This could be a "prank" from someone else. Don't go wading in without absolute proof. I would phone the number the photographs came from (off a different mobile) and find out whose phone it is. Even then be very careful because it is always possibly someone got hold of this guy's phone and sent the photographs as a "joke".
If you do ascertain that the photographs were, indeed, sent by "Steve", tell him you found the messages on your son's phone and that you are disturbed by them because your son assures you they were unsolicited and unwelcome. Tell him his number will be blocked so he cannot send any other messages and that, in future, he needs to be more careful about who he sends uninvited photographs to. You might also ask him where he got your son's number from.
I would then leave the matter be and hope it is the last you hear of this. In this way, there is minimal embarrassment to "Steve", who is just a young guy and, at worst, guilty of bad judgement. Hopefully this will be a wake-up call for him and teach him a valuable lesson.
If it turns out to be a prank, then you have more investigating to do and your son needs to find out which of his trusted friends made him the butt of their joke.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2021): First let John speak to Steve and ask him if he has sent the pictures if he has then he should tell him that his parents (John's) has seen the pictures and are going to to tell his (Steve's) parents if he does it again. That should scare Steve off but if it doesn't then really go to his parents. But the best if the boys can solve it between them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2021): Even though your son never gave the kid his phone number, there are clever ways to get it. Like borrowing the phone belonging to one of his friends, and going through their contacts.
These are kids of the same age; but don't panic and blow this thing completely out of proportion. They don't have the best of judgement at age 16! He didn't see anything he doesn't see in the boy's locker room at school!
Don't turn this matter into a criminal-offense; unless it reaches the level of harassment, or the kid sends actual nudes. If unable to contact Steve's parents; you could inform the school principal that your son is receiving inappropriate photos, but keep it low-key. Kids of this age are prone to committing suicide, if overwhelmed or unduly humiliated; and you wouldn't want it on your conscience that you went too far, and made a complete ruckus out of this.
You do have a right to your concern, and to be upset; and let no-one tell you otherwise. You are parents protecting your child, but remember the other kid is a child too! At an age when feelings get the better of their judgement.
Preferable it's best to keep it between the two of you, your son, Steve, and the other child's parents. Blocking his number as Honeypie suggested will be your first line of defense. It might be necessary for him to change his phone number as well.
I think you can nip this at the bud; without causing either child any emotional harm. The kid went overboard, and got overcome by his feelings; but social media gives people of any age more courage than we'd normally have if there were filters and buffers to restrict that kind of behavior. Steve's parents should be monitoring his use of social media. Their embarrassment will be sufficient incentive.
Two to one, there are other kids; or someone close to Steve, that egged him on with a dare. It is particularly bold of a kid his age; and they don't usually go so far, unless they feel they have the support of others, or they have to prove something.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 May 2021):
 I think 2 things need to be done asap.
1. your SON needs to BLOCK this kid. Make sure he doesn't forward the pictures.
2. I think your wife has the right idea. "As it is, my wife is furious over this, said she'd discuss it with Steve's parents." TALK to Steve's parents. While I find it inappropriate I don't think involving the school (for now) or the law (for now). If "steve's" parents do nothing... Then I would involve the school.
They are 16. This is why I don't think "labelling" this kid ("Steve") as a criminal is a good move.
In some places, this is borderline child sonography. This is why SOMETHING needs to be done. And I'd start with his parents.
And yes, I have been in the same(ish) circumstances -except the kid was sending dic pics (no underwear) to 2 of my daughters - his parents refused to do anything so we went through the school. As it turned out he was sending them to MANY girls - at least 30 high schoolers and a couple of middle schooler - gross. (my youngest was 15 at the time) He was first suspended (lame punishment) and later kicked out of the school because he didn't stop. His parents were furious. At the school. Because they PUT it in his records. Not sure what he is up to now. Don't care either. An UNSOLICITED dic pic is gross, but I don't find it criminal.
We didn't want a kid to be labelled a sex offender (which is possible for him to be - but also if ANY of the girls forwarded it to anyone - including parents... ) they could also be slapped with a sexual offender label.
So, I personally, would go the route of:
1. Parents
2. BLOCK the kid's number
3. School
4. and then... the law.
If it doesn't stop.
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