A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My sister is the mother of a 14 yr old girl, who she recently found out that she snuck her boyfriend in the bedroom window and had sex with him! The mother went bananas and told her daughter that she had to quit basketball and all other activities, took her cell phone, no computer, etc. She also told her they were moving and taking her out of the town they have lived their entire life, called her names,etc. I know this is a horrible thing to hear as a mother myself but I also know that there has got to be a better way of handling this emotional situation in a more loving and caring way. The child was wrong, I agree, but for the mother to beat her down isn't right either. Some education on the matter should be enforced, some loving support from her mother couldn't hurt either! I would think that if the mother(who loves her daughter dearly) is going to call her a slut and a whore couldn't help the emotional state of the girl and fear it will send her back into the arms of the boy because the girl now will think he is the one who loves her! Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 48years  +, writes (24 January 2009):
 You get to be the voice of reason today!
Done is done... Your sis needed to vent, express her disappointment, shock and fear...but maybe in the wrong way... she messed up, and from the sound of it, she knows it. What you can do is talk to her privately, and you know what to say. She's probably feeling really lousy right now, and a non-judgmental hug would do her good.
As for the child, advise your sis to tell her why she reacted so strongly... it's now crucial that mother and daughter retain a safety net where they can discuss problems through these turbulent years. Chances are, she will continue to have sex... the cat's outta the bag.. but the last thing she needs is a mom she's afraid to talk to.
There are far worse things than this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): Why is the daughter having sex at that age? there must be a reason for it. She's far too young and I can't blame your sister for losing it. If I was you, I'd keep out. I have a sister and I learnt that you should never tell anyone what to do with their child
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): Agreed, reaction way to harsh. Perhaps there is a way you could get her to teach her daughter the real reason you should ha e sex at 14. It has to do with self respect and making sure you are not taken advantage if, teach her that she is a gift and sharing sex with someone should be earned over time. Not everyone deserves to have sex with you! This viewpoint kept me a virgin until I was 21 and in love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): Have you tried talking to your sister on the matter, does she realize that doing this kind of thing is only gonna make her daughter way more secretive and could push her into more serious forms of rebellion?
It is a gross over-reaction I agree but I don't know your sister it sounds as if she's kinda strict already, if she's the kinda person thats gonna cut you out of her life completely for bringing up the subject then you need to just listen to what your sister says and maybe talk to her daughter about it, let her know that her aunt loves her and will be there for her should she need to talk.
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A
female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (23 January 2009):
 I completely agree! Such a harsh response will just make the girl rebel.
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A
female
reader, lacexoxo22 +, writes (23 January 2009):
 OUCH!!! That's just awful. *She sighs* The only thing I can suggest is to talk to your sister. I'm sure she didn't whole heartedly mean every single thing she said, she just said it out of anger, fear and reaction. Explain to her that yeah your niece messed up by having sex at such an early age but the way she handled it is the absolute wrong way to do things. Tell her that you do respect the fact that you are NOT the mother and you have no "right" to say anything, but that you love them both more then life itself and you just feel she was too hard on her. Did your niece use protection? Has she been with her boyfriend for some time now? Maybe those are key points that you could use in favor of your niece (at least she was smart and responsible enough to use protection and experience it with someone whos been with her for quite some time now). I dont know this is really hard because its such a touchy subject and it could make or break your relationship with your sister if she takes offense to you "butting" in. I would, however, talk to your niece so that she doesn't feel as awful as her mother probably made her feel so that she doesn't run away with her boyfriend. I know it would cross my mind if i was her age and my mother threatened me with everything she did with your niece. Good luck, hope this helps.
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