A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear aunts, I have a sister who I love only for the fact that she is my blood, but everything else about her I just can't stand because we have a toxic relationship ever since I was a kid she always told me that I'm ugly, that I'm dumb, that i am worthless, that I suck because I don't read lots of books, that no one wants me, that I die my hair and I am fake, that my fake blonde color makes me slutty and trashy.When I grew up I distanced myself from her and my dad because they always tried to make my life miserable. Saying stuff like If I wasn't there they would have a better life. When no one buyed me pads and I had no money to buy them I bled in my panties and she made a huge deal out of it almost to make me feel humiliated. One when my mom (who was always under pressure to not give me anything) offered to pay my college studies, and I made the mistake (I was excited) to share the news, she threatened her so she couldn't pay my studies and never did. It has taken me five years to star a career on my own. When my dad was about to be convinced to borrow me his car, she got in the way and he never did. Now I am an adult, i don't live with them anymore, they don't support me, my mom gives me emotional support but I have my own kids and money is really tight. My dad now abandoned me completely, since i was a girl he always had a love/hate relationship with me. He loved me only because he was meant to do so, but most of the times he always told me that I am a piece of shit human being and that no one will ever love me and that I would die alone and unwanted. My sister has always told me such things. This things go way back since I remember, being 7 years old up until I moved. Now the time passed and my sister has reached out to me trying to get back to a family relationship and I let her in. She never said sorry for anything but I did believe she was sorry in her heart at least or that she wouldn't keep with her attitude. But now I see that she's still the same. I pursued a model carrier, and she says that my image is sloppy. I did a photoshoot and she said it was tasteless and tacky. I died my hair and she said the color would not last and that the shade would turn ugly. She ruined my birthday. We were going to go to my favorite restaurant but she made me and my boy and my mom all go to her house so we would go together and her house is FAR away. It was all a scam and all that she had planned was for us and specially my mom to babysit her kid. Tonight I uploaded a photo where I look fantastic my body looks fit and she commented "princess, you overdid the liquify(photoshop)" Do you see where I am coming from? now I need your help. What do I do about her? she is just evil and toxic and she is source of negativity in my life, I want her out! what do you think Is accurate to do or what would you do because it's driving me mad.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 December 2017):
 Sounds like she is jealous off you. A lot off children are like this with their siblings, yet if things haven't improved now when you are both adults it might just be best to distance yourself.
It does sound like it is a both way street and you both dislike each other. So just be civil and friendly and leave it at that.
As for your Dad surly if he was so mean in the past you have asked him now why? Why would he treat you differently? Why would his life have been better if you where not there? As an adult I know I would be asking him these questions and trying to resolve what was happening.
Well done on starting your career on your own, I also had no help and started my own career a lot off parents simply cannot afford college or university any more for there children.
It is great that you get emotional support from your mother, as for financial well you are now the mother with your own career so it would not be expected for your family to support you. Could it be you expect a bit to much from them?
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (19 December 2017):
 First of all, a big WELL DONE for rising above all the negativity you absorbed when you were a child, from both your sister and your father. You are obviously a very strong young woman and never let anyone make you believe otherwise.
We cannot choose our families but, as adults, we CAN choose how much contact to have with them. As I see it, you have two choices: either learn to ignore your sister's comments, acknowledging they are based on insecurity and jealousy, or distance yourself totally from her and live your life as you wish, without any input from her. Personally, I would go for the second choice.
Friends are the family we choose ourselves. Surround yourself with supportive friends with positive attitudes and go into the future with them at your side.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (18 December 2017):
Just because she is your sister doesn’t mean you have to have her in your life.
My question is how did she make you, your boyfriend and your mother go to her house on your birthday? Did she hold you at gunpoint? No you went to appease a bully. Stop doing that. And why did you have someone you hate and obviously hates you at your birthday anyway?
Back to advice. Block her on your social media. Block her phone number and stop trying to be her sister. There may be family functions where you have to see her. When you do treat her like someone you knew from your childhood be polite but cool and move on.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (18 December 2017):
 Just leave her out of the equation. She is jealous of you and until she feels good about herself it will never change.
Some siblings never get on. It's a fact of life. You two aren't unusual. Just accept that you are going to live separate lives.
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