A
female
age
26-29,
*13
writes:i am from india and i almost 21 years old, i have a sister who is 3 years elder, till before 7-8 months, we were very close like super close as far as i remember we did everything together only like parties, going out and shopping n all stuff. Since 8 months her atitude is changed, she has became agressive and bossy , she always orders me around to do things according to her way which is unbearable for me. She acts innocent infront of our parents and act as if she has done nothing, even our parents support her alot especially my mom , she always taunts me and yell on me because of my sister.since childhood , my parents have never supported me they have always felt that i am very irresponsible and spoil brat, but in reality i am not.Nowadays, situation at home has worsened, both my sister and mom are always yelling on me for everything. My mom blames me for everything. she always believes my sister only.My sister always tries to instigate and provoke my parents against me and she has been successful this far.i have always supported her in everything still today despite what she does to me.she always create havoc about small things related to me. I just want to stay away from her. please suggest me how should i distance myself from her. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 May 2016):
 I am curious ,like Honeypie, to know what happened 8 months ago. I mean, something must have happened, either in her life or yours, to turn you from best friends and " two peas in a pod " who do everything together into feuding rivals .
Love troubles ? someone got dumped ? you liked the same boy ?
Either one has gone through depression, health problems,work problems ?
People does not just change personality overnight. There must be something that made her more irritable, or you more reactive to true or perceived slights. People do not just wake up " bossy " at the age of 24, she must have already been an assertive type but it did not bother you until 7/8 months ago.
If you can find out what caused , or contributed to, this situation, maybe you don't even have to ignore her for the rest of your lives . You could talk aboout it and see if you could fix things, or at least declare a truce. It's such a pity that you went along so greatly and now you don't.
As for you being accused of being irresponsible and bratty, well, what did you DO exactly to be called that ? I know you say " you don't think you are " , but , you live at home with other 3 people , your parents and elder sister- majority rules, and it's a matter of respect. If these 3 people ,whom you owe respect to, say that they do not like your attitude / behaviour, you might as well disagree but... you still would have to change it and act in a responsible, non bratty way that they would be satisfied with. Either that, or moving out.
Unless, they really ganged up against you, the three of them, and take you to task for really small, unimportant things. I am not saying it's impossible, some times unluckily in families one is singled out as the scapegoat. OTH, I think it's more probable that what YOU think is small irrelevant stuff, is not exactly so small and irrelevant in their eyes. If you care to add WHAT exactly you and your family members are bickering about, it would give us more elements to answer something sensible.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2016): Your sister is too old to be living at home. Your timid reactions to her bullying gives her pleasure, just annoying you. She's bored out of her skull; and you're her favorite
punching bag. Sometimes it seems parents are obviously showing favoritism. Quite often they are putting on an act to change a child's behavior. If you're too withdrawn, or annoyingly shy, they are forcing you to come out of your shell; and grow a personality.
To be wise, you have to see things from all angles. Your sister may see changes in you. Neither of you are little girls anymore, and she picks on you to make you're more assertive. You've got to face a world out there, and females can be a lot meaner than your sister. Use her for practice. When she acts like a bully, call her out. "Why are you being so catty, and acting like such a bully?" "If you want attention, go perform for mom and dad!" Then ignore any snarky response she gives. She's picking on you to make you stand-up to her. So stand-up to her.
The oldest child in the family was the practice child. They were new parents, and parents share a different bond with their older children. When you came along, you stole her thunder; so there is always going to be bit of rivalry between you. You're past the "Hello Kitty" stage of sisterhood. You are competing as young women. Your parents want you to be responsive and to assert yourself.
Your sister is outgrowing her surroundings and you're becoming her favorite whipping post. She's venting her frustrations on you. Once she's out of the house and fending for herself, life and reality will change her. She'll miss the closeness you used to have. Now she feels crowded; and your girlish attitude pretty much annoys her.
Stand-up to her. When your parents fail to support you, look them in the eye(stay respectful, don't glare);and tell them they aren't being fair. They will deny it, but parents talk to each other when they're along in bed. They discuss their children. Be a better example of a woman than your sister. Show maturity, strength, and poise. Don't let her get under your skin. Kill her with kindness, and when your mother takes her side, or doesn't support you; tell her it breaks your heart when she doesn't believe you when you're telling her the truth. Plant a seed in her brain. It will surprise her that you can articulate what you actually see her doing.
Always give people a dose of the truth. They need it to ponder on, and it will change things. Just show strength regardless; even when you see no change in your sister or parents. They will notice the woman you're becoming, and you'll demand respect from the whole lot. They won't change over-night, and they'll be stubborn. Stick by your guns, and don't let yourself be bullied. Be respectful, but don't take crap from anybody. They'll take notice when they see you're done with the nonsense.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 May 2016):
 So what happened 8 months ago to change your sister so radically?
No one goes from being great friends to hating each other over night, with out something happening to induce that change. And for your mom to "join" in makes no sense, if nothing really happened.
My question to you, OP is... what happened?
While I agree that ignoring her and NOT letting her get a rise out of you constantly can make a difference - I still think you need to look at the whole picture.
And what exactly are your parents yelling at you for? Are you not doing your chores? keeping promises? If so, that is an easy fix. DO you chores BEFORE being asked and don't make promises you can't keep.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (26 May 2016):
 Theres a pro wrestling term called "no selling"
It means when a wrestler pretends to hit another, the second ignores it. Its a no no.
Anyway you have to learn to no sell your sister. She is trying to get a rise out of you and you keep falling for it.
So next time she starts, just "whatever" her and ignore her. Then when your parents come around ask them to tell her to stop bothering you as you have work to do.
Easy win for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2016): Your sister is a conniving manipulator vying for first approval with your parents. Your mother is fooled by it.Obviously your sister sees it as being important that she be seen as the best daughter.Thwart the bully.Offer to help your mother and ask your mother to explain or show you how to do the task.While doing the job ask for clarification from them that you are doing the job exactly how your mother wantsIf your mother tries to pass the baton and wants you to be taught by your older sister then try to flatter your mother by explaining that you feel your mother's instructions are the best and that you'd rather learn from your mother.Go shopping, with your mother. Just you and your mother - on a day when you know your sister will be busy.Make it spur of the moment - ask after your sister has gone elsewhere otherwise your older sister will want to come too. Sit down and have a cool drink with your mother, at one point in the shopping. Ask your mother about her school days.Appreciate your mother's cooking, once again when your sister is elsewhere and ask your mother to show you how to cook certain things.Similarly sit down with your father. Ask him about a subject he knows a lot about. As what does he find most interesting about the work he does.Ask him how he about his own grandfather and anything . Ask him about how things work.Listen very carefully and NEVER interrupt.No doubt your sister says mean things about you behind your back.So work on showing your parents that you are a reliable intelligent and charming young lady.Build a rationship with your parents and it will start to chip away all the lies your sister has said about youIs your mother or father like your sister? That is bossy?But if either parent is overly bossy then keep in mind that bullies are insecure.So keep up the good work being the courteous helpful daughter who is happy to learn from her parents and compliment them sincerely when a situation arises that warrants a genuine compliment.The time will come when you feel compelled to criticize your sister to Your parents. Resist that temptation to do that.because first you need to become the reliable one to your parents so that your sister's mean remarks will slowly lose the power to try to hurt you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2016): Develop a hobby that fasinates you
Remain respectful and polite to your parents at all times.
Find times when you can sit with one or more parents and discuss with the things that they think are important. Listen carefully to their advice but NEVER interupt them. Even take some notes of what they say. If they ask why then tell them 'because what you are saying is important and I want to read it again later.'
Your sister will get jealous but remain calm and you be the calm one.
Her own behaviour will demonstrate what she is and who she is
Remain courteous with her and do not rise to her taunts, but instead choose to be busy or disinterested when she wants to share an activity with you
Try to form some friendships with girls your own age.
Read some good books.
Find out if a nearby charity is willing to accept some free help provided by you.
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