A
female
age
51-59,
*rissypro89
writes:I never been close with my sister in law. My brother and her married in September 2005. I backed out of being a brides maid but I did a reading at the ceremony for them. When you go to their home it's very cold and they do not make you feel comfortable. I never hung out with them while they were dating and was barely with them on holidays. I am closer to my brothers ex girlfriend than my sister in law. When my mom was visiting in September 07 for their baby shower and we were together on the porch I started to talk about my friends son (special needs kid) and both my mom and sister in law were not paying me any mind so I just got up and left and went home. Why do I have to feel uncomfortable when I can be at my place not dealing with them. My mom visiting from Florida has my brother drive her to my house rings the bell and I answer she said come back why did you leave. Yeah okay. I went back for dinner but that was it. At her shower she got more gifts than 5 women having babies would get at their shower. (oh no, please do not get me wrong) I am not at all jealous at this girl but angry at the fact that they only contact me when there is a party other than that nothing else. Even my Mom feels that way and my sister that live out of state.When my nephew was born no one offered me a ride to the hospital in NJ so I had to pay $60.00 for car service to get to my house to the hospital to see my newborn nephew. Their friends drove me home. During Xmas my mom flew in to visit and was staying at their house and my mom made a comment to me and my sister in law burst out laughing. Her b est friends mouth dropped and my brother didnt say a word and I walked out and my Mom yells out You do this every Fuc...ing time I am here and I just left. My husband who was away at the time visiting his family in Vegas couldn't believe I called him up crying so much about this. He said you have to distance yourself. My husband and I have no kids. He has 2 older kids. We decided we do not want any.I run down to see my sister and her 2 little girls every chance I get. I even baby sat for my nieces several times while my sister went away on vacation and helped my mother.I found an email from my mom to my sister (my sister had given me her password) once to check on something and I come across an email saying that my sister in law feels like I would kidnap her son (my nephew) It is so disgusting of her to think that. When I told my close friend about this she said that is so terrible your his auntie... I never told my sister or mom about what I had read.---------------------------------------------This October I am throwing my mom and dad a surprise anniversary party in October at a hotel and I was hoping that my brother, her and the baby will be there but now will be too much for them because I just found out this morning by my mom that my sister in law is 3 months pregnant and I had been at their house in the past 3 months and they never told me. I even found an email from her to my sister saying Is she really having the party for your mom because you know her big plans never come through. How in this world this girl would say that because I never had any big plans before that were ever cancelled. I keep my word all the time. Why would I send out save the date magnets to everyone in dec 08 and paid $500.00 deposit for the space. I was at their house a few weeks ago and I even covered her and my nephew on the couch because she was so tired. My brother drove me to the bus station to go home and never told me. No emails from them saying come over or when we went 3 weeks ago to the park and I was playing with my nephew they didnt mention it and everyone else knows. Would you completely distance yourself and cut them off?
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anniversary, ex girlfriend, jealous, on holiday, sister in law Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Krissypro89 +, writes (4 March 2009):
Krissypro89 is verified as being by the original poster of the question
No I am not a baby and for the past years I have kept away from them. I live only 25 minutes away and hardly go there. If I kept my distance for good I would never see them. No I am not a baby. You only hear from them when they have parties and want gifts. My brother never calls our sister and asks her about her two girls. My niece was in the hospital twice and he never bothered or Xmas time calling my mom who sent him a 250.00 and no one call her to say thank you, merry xmas.
A
female
reader, Krissypro89 +, writes (4 March 2009):
Krissypro89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo I am not a baby and for the past years I have kept away from them. I live only 25 minutes away and hardly go there. If I kept my distance for good I would never see them. No I am not a baby. You only hear from them when they have parties and want gifts. My brother never calls our sister and asks her about her two girls. My niece was in the hospital twice and he never bothered or Xmas time calling my mom who sent him a 250.00 and no one call her to say thank you, merry xmas.
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A
male
reader, thinkme  +, writes (4 March 2009):
Hello dear,
You are a baby! You have done a lot on your part by keeping yourself polite for such a long time and I'm sure that's the nature-part in you. What you are supposed to do is to keep some distance in relationship. Let them feel your importance while you are away for a while and if still they do have same attitude, be at yourself. Remember, don't lose your self esteem which is precious than anything. Set your priorities for such relationships. The world is not that small a place; you can find people with purest heart & soul. They really don't deserve such an angel, that's you.
Cheers & be blessed...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): Hello my love. I really feel for you as you are a very caring person which shines out.So, ask the question my darling,you are kind and thoughtful and try your best,do they deseve you? To be knocked on what you are organising isnt very nice.So what do we do?Take charge,make it clear who yoyu are aand what you do,where mama is concerned,pull her to one side and tell her she should back you up and stop knocking you. I wish you were my sister in law,so tell them Angela fro the UK want's you on side.They are luckier than they know.Be strong,you are a nice lady.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (4 March 2009):
 You want to be close to your relatives (by marriage or by blood), that is natural. However, even not all siblings get along famously even though they have the same father and mother :-)
If you don't get along with your sister in law, you don't need to "force" yourself to get along with her. Just like in school, if you didn't get along with a certain class mate, you didn't force yourself to hang out with that person, right?
Don't t stress yourself out speculating or thinking this and that about your sister in law or what their friends say. They are not in your immediate family's life, nor are their daily lives . impact your family's.
She sound like she is a bit jealous of you. But regardless of she is or she is not, I suggest distancing yourself from her would be best. Don't take to heart the stories that you heard from others (about you). Over time, your friends (and her friends) will undoubtedly will be able to see through all that. If you became defensive, people might just wonder if there was some truth in your sister in law's stories ... so keep your cool and you will actually have the upper hand.
You cannot detach from your brother, but you don't need to tell your brother anything about his wife's remarks to or on you. Life is too short.
The ironical thing is, I bet when your children become teenagers, they may actually like each other as good friends and get along well!
Be the better person and keep your cool. :-)
Cat
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