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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: right well this isnt a relationship question but i am desperate for some help, you see i am 15, i will be 16 in may, im due to sit exams already sat some and tonns and tonns of coursework that needs doing as most teens about to leave school do. at the end of year 10 (now in year 11) i had loads of family issues and i ended up stayin off school because i was so emotional and i was going to be took out of school and stay at home full time. mum aggreed it was for the best for my sake and said she would be there for me 200% but then at the begining of year 11 i decided to go back to school as i want to make the best of my life. so i have had 2 years of coursework to do in the space of 7/8 months. yea i know its my fault and i need to catch up but its not easy.also, i had a 13 year old sister, who is a complete bitch, sounds awful i know but i hate her!! she is awful, shes got an attitude that i could quite willingly knock out of her, but as much as i would not lay a finger on her i cannot stand her one bit, she treats my mum and dad like shite basicly shes always out, either at her cousins or at her boy *friend*s. she moans if she doesnt get money off mum and dad and she never does anything they ask her, if mum says "will you just polish in room" she'll go off in a big benny and she'll go round to nannas and say that shes always got to do everything, when im the one that gets up on a mornin, gets ma sister dressed as shes only 3, i then go to school, get home for about 4. then i have to make tea most nights, hoover round and polish round, do any washing or washing up thats to be done, bath my sister and then give her a bottle of drinkin chocolate and settle her into bed for a reasonale time, as well as this like i say i have coursework to catch up on and i have my 11 year old brother to sort, as mum works 9am and gets home at about 5 most nights, then mum makes tea if it hasnt been done and she does whatever needs doing, my dad works nights so he gets home about 7am and hes in bed all day while were at school and mums at work and he gets up atr about 3 so everyones constantly busy, while my stupid lazy arse sister takes over the house will all her mates that come round all the time, hes always lazing about all over the living room, if shes in a room then no one else is allowed to be in there, she shares a room with my sister thats 3 but she refuses to let her in the bedroom so my sister thats 3 has to sta in my room most nights. my bitch sister age 13, as i say completely runs my mum and dads life, she always starts arguements and im always the one that ends up been worse off and she always causes trouble with the family. but somehow she always seems to be the one that gets away with everything!when i was around 11-14 i used to do jobs in the house and earn pocket money. if i didnt do those jobs or i gave mum a bit of lip, or i stayed out too late on a night (i had a 9 o clock curfue) i would be grounded and wouldnt get my pocket money that week. when i was grounded i was grounded. i asnt allowd to go out with my mates and i wasnt allowed to go on my computer. i would be allowed no friends to stay over and punnishment was punnishment. if there was any arguements i was always the one that got it taken out of, i used to have a bad attitude i will admit, but i used to get hit. i used to get thown about, i used to get kicked punched, mum used to beat me up, it got so bad that i used to refuse to go out, i used to refuse to go to school till one day i went missing cos i ran away from school and the teacher that tried chasing me phoned mum and she phoned the police, they were all looking for me, im lucky now that i have a really good strong relationship with mum and dad, and ma brother and sister, it just really pisses me off the face that my sister gets away with absolutly everything!! i know its not a case of "getting away with stuff" but i just wish when she got punished or did something wrong then the dicipline would actually happen! when shes grounded it means she gets no credit put on her phone, shes still allowed out, shes still allowed to go stay with friends and can do everything else. she doesnt have to do jobs cos she "gets away with it" i know it seems like im just been selfish and no matter how much i hate her and i really do. i wouldnt like her to hae the beatings i used to get and live as i did 4 years ago as no one deserves it. and i wasnt really a bad kid although i did rebel a lot as normal kids do when they go to high school. but i cant cope with the way she treats us anymore. no matter how much i tell mum and dad. they dont listen they always say im been pathetic, they say that i should just let her get on with it cos ive been through it. i know i have but least i got dicipled. i think i got it for all 4 of us kids!! i just dont know what to do any more. i cannot coopee living how im living. im stuck in all the time. babysittin. doin jobs bla bla. i dont have no social time cos i cant. shes constantly out and refuses to do anything! this isnt really a question and im really sorry, i just needed to let it off my chest cos i cant cope anymore i really cant! sorry for such a long post im just sick of having no one to talk to. i darent tell people cos i dont want to be judged, i dont want people turning against me and mum. i just dont know what to do anymore!!!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): I feel the exact same way as you to be honest.
Im 12 years old and I have a 14 year old sister.
No matter what, I am the person that get's into trouble in the end, and half of the time I dont even know what my parents are talking about!
When she does something wrong, perfectly fine, but when I do the same thing as her, YOU'RE GROUNDED!
I hate my life so much. Not once would I be able to say:
"Thank you mum/dad, you have given me so much. Im so grateful."
I'm going through the exact same experience as you, so don't worry; you're not alone! ;]
Life does suck. You just have to deal with it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsorry i havnt made myself too clear.
my mum works from 9am till around half 4pm then she gets home around 5pm
my dad works nights, he works from 8pm and gets home at around 7am.
dads home all day friday, saturday and sunday and mums home some saturdays and all sundays.
so we do see them a lot its just usually me running round after everyone.
thanks so much for your replies they're much apprieciated. x
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A
male
reader, maverick  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Hello there,
Firstly thank you for your post - that was a very honest bit of writing there, you should be proud of yourself for coming out with it. And don't be sorry at all for writing this.
It sounds like you have become the responsible adult of the house. You seem well disciplined and very responsible, but it is unfair of you to be taking on parenting responsibilities at your age. You should be concetrating on your GCSEs.
However, do you think there maybe more to this than your sister? Yes, from what you say she is badly behaved - but you also mention your parents and what you do?
- Your father is home at 7am and a sleep for the day (so you're not really in contact)
- Your mother works til 5 and is out of the house by 3am (I guess that's whats needed to earn the money but she's also home after you are)
- You have to get your 3yo sister and 11yo brother ready in the morning (your mother isn't around at that time)
- They were hard on you but not hard on your sister - so they are disproportionate with their actions.
- You make tea and look after the others.
I get the feeling the issue is more to do with you father and mother's parenting ability? Its true from what you say that treat your 13 year old sister more favourabley than you were, and in someway you have now been programmed to look after the family. This is not right.
I disagree with you though that anyone would judge you harshly if you spoke to them about this. They would likely think you are a very remarkable and responsible sister looking after your siblings as well as yourself. You appear to be a parent figure in terms of actions and responsibilties - but with none of the authority (to tell off your sister). I guess this can be the most frustrating thing in your situation... to feel like doing everything but not really to have it recognised.
You say you are close with your mum and dad but you don't seem to spend much time together from your post? What posituve things do you do together? Or is it an absence of of the way you were treated before makes you feel better with them now?
You've already identified that you cannot cope like this anymore. You need to talk to someone about this and take action. You may want to consider approaching a teacher or contact social services. Any action you take, will likely upset your parents, as they will feel threatened as in a way their parenting ability is being questioned - which it is.
I was treated like this when I was 16 and my little sis was 8. Pretty muchy a similar thing. I used to get the crap knocked out of me for behaving badly. Wasn't until I was 22 that I realised my mum and dad had lost it... they were afraid of disciplining my little sis coz they had lost control of her and didn't know how she would react. They thought (and still do) that she'll run away to one her boyfriends if they upset her... and then they realised too late they didn't raise her to be an emotionally stable person. I got past the beats in the end, went to college and got myself a better life.
Things will change you'll see. But you have to be prepared to go along with it.
Please please, feel free to post or message again. You can also call Childline on 0800 11 11 11, its free and its totally confidential. Let us know how you are doing.
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A
female
reader, baybee-x-sparkii +, writes (19 February 2008):
 i think you need to talk to your mum first babe, work out some kind of routine with her you and your sister. its obvious that there is some favouritism going on?
some kind of rota would make things easier that way you all do equal jobs between you. and groundings would be groundings, set curfews between you giving you more time as your older.
if you want to get it really sorted and show your mum that you have had enough call childline or samaritans or something.
if you want to talk further
please email me
sparkii x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): Have a think about how you're talking to your parents about the problem. Are you sitting down with them and speaking to them calmly or is it you saying "But, Mum, Dad, it's SO unfair!!!" If it's the second case, it's no real surprise that you're getting the reaction you are from your parents.You really do need to spend time with them to talk things through. You say you weren't the best of kids, you've clearly accepted that you didn't do things correctly before. Tell you parents this - they can see that by the fact that you're helping with your younger sister that you are doing things to help the family.I agree that your sister needs to pull her weight and that your parents should follow through with their threats of punishment. Ask your parents why they are being so lenient and say you are ready to hear them out. You need to show them that you are willing to talk things through - they'll be pleasantly surprised at your maturity.
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