A
female
age
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*llaJane
writes:Hello Aunts. Very nice to be here.I'm new here.Thank you for accepting me as a friend.I'd like to ask you a question about my sister's behavior towards me .She is the oldest,I'm the youngest one. Mum passed away 2 years ago with a brain disease.I had to stop all that I was doing ,even my work to help my sister take care of our Mother.We have an older brother that didnt even care to help us.As soon Mum died my sister got really sick and almost died. I was there to help,left my house,husband,and job to take care of all Mum's business,and my sister's disease.That took almost 6 months. I almost lost my marriage,and all my life,house....all.Took me a year to go back to my own life,and I was and still am very tired and have some depression.I have help now,and I'm talking with somebody sometimes( a therapist).But still,now my sister doesn't respect my life,and my grief towards Mum's passing,all the problems...She wants to skype,to chat,and tell me what to do with my life.Last week I hang up the phone on her after she ""advised me "" about my job.I'd like to ask you what you would do?She is the only one now on my family. I do have aunt ,uncle,and cousins,but I dont thinkthey are part of family in a way. They were very close,but after Mum got sick,we got older too,all went to have their own lives.So,my sister and brother are the only ones.By the way,my sister doesnt like my husband. I am marriaged for 16 years now,no kids,and we have a great relationship. He is american,so I do live in USA.I spoke with him and he said he'd be ok with my sister for my sake,but I dont think she wants to have any kind of relationship with him.Maybe the best for me would be to have only my husband as a family from now on?Thank you so much for your friendship.
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female
reader, EllaJane +, writes (23 April 2015):
EllaJane is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much WiseOwLe. I do appreciate your help. My sister is a bit hard to take sometimes. She is definitelly like you said, and old opinionated old sister. Never got marriaged,and has no kids,And is retired,so,she has all the time in her hands now after Mum died. I never hang up on her before,but this time I couldnt take it. Too much sculding,advise,taking care of my business,and all of this after many,many times I asked no to do so. Now it is my turn to learn to deal with her. And like you wisely said to, I can control the conversation. Thanks again.Best Wishes :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2015): It really doesn't matter whether your sister likes your husband or not. As long as she treats him with respect and she's polite to him when she's around the both of you. I'm sure your husband can take care of himself.
You and your sister are mature women. Neither will likely change your ways. No disrespect or unkindness meant toward your age; but you're both really getting along in age, and it's a bit late in life to be carrying on so with each other.
She was seriously ill after the loss of your mother; and thinks she is assuming your mother's role as the matriarch, being older than you. She thinks her advice is helping you. All you have to do is ask her not to offer you any advice unless you ask for it. When you talk and chat, abruptly change the subject when she gets into your business. Simply tell her: "Sis, we both lost our mother, I'm not expecting you to take her place."
If she has anything rude to say about your husband, suggest that she find herself a husband to worry about. You'll take care of yours.
You can control what you talk about when you're chatting with our sister. You don't have to let her get into your business. Simply change the subject. She is your sister to the death. In her twisted-way, she thinks she's giving you advice. If you're seeing a therapist, obviously you do have some problems to deal with. She's doing what older meddlesome loving opinionated old-sisters do. Don't begrudge her.
Trust me, if you turn you back on her and something awful happens to her; you will be wrought with guilt. Try to get along and tell her to mind her own business. Don't hangup on her without telling her you're ending the call first.
Try not to part angry, always tell her you're hanging up the phone; because she is out of line. Goodbye!
Keep all the family you've got. We've all got faults.
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