A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My selfishness left me single and miserable. How can I figure out what is wrong with me why I did this. I left my fiance hanging to hang out with some guy that isn't good for me or any other woman. Let's call my ex fiance Bob and the other man Rick. So I was with Bob for over 3 years. He came off as the friendliest, most fun guy I ever met! I was so much in love that I actually related to love songs for the 1st time ever. As time went on, he became more introverted and immersed himself in his religious beliefs. I get that him becoming a born again. Christian helped him stop going to hookers and casinos. I accepted his past despite my parents' objections. Anyway, he started postponing our wedding bc he said he refused to rent an apartment and would only get married when we could buy a home. Mind you, he was against premarital sex. So, this increased my frustration. When my birthday came around, he just said, charge your gifts to my account. No birthday card or thoughtful gift. Meanwhile, this older man, Rick surprised me with a custom cake and took me out for a friendly early dinner. There was immediate chemistry. Although he's 40, he's still attractive, fun, friendly. I had an instant crush. It also didn't help that he broke up with his Gf and started calling me every few days. I started neglecting Bob. I stopped answering his calls(since he always called several times a day to check on me, I didn't care much). After 2 months, Bob severed contact and soon got into a new serious relationship. Meanwhile Rick was a complete waste of time and space in my life. He would only come by once a week and started questioning if he should be dating someone new so soon. (He has been single for 6 months now). I feel stupid for what I did to Bob. I deserve what I got. But why would I sabatoge my engagement for someone I hardly knew??? Although it seemed Bob and I were probably not going to make it down the aisle, my actions were wrong. Now I have so many things I wish I had said but Bob will not talk to me out of respect for his new Gf. Sorry this is long and thanks.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (5 September 2011):
 don't be so hard on yourself! it was not your 'selfishness' that made you start something with Rick, it was the fact that Bob was not treating you right and he was just basically not the right man for you. So it didn't end up coming to anything with Rick, well that's just unfortunate but its one of those things. you were involved with 2 unsuitable men at the same time. Sh!t happens. hopefully you will meet someone in the future who IS right for you. don't be worrying over the loss of those two (Bob n Rick) they were just not right for you
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A
female
reader, StormySeas +, writes (5 September 2011):
What you are experiencing does not sound abnormal at all, to be quite honest. I have been in similar situations before and know for a fact that several of my friends have too. The thing is... most humans were not meant to be alone (aka: can't handle being alone). Your feelings sound natural, but what you need to remember is that "Bob"... well, he was kind of a weirdo. Right? I mean, despite his initial wonderful qualities, there were many things about him that bothered you (I have always found it helpful to focus on the icky parts of a guy when ending relationships). Had he been the man you were supposed to be with- you would not have drifted to begin with. The thing with "Rick" could have been just a little part in your life that happened to get you away from your relationship with Bob. I have a strong theory that even if it is for a very short period of time; we meet the people we meet in our life for a reason. Some will be good, some will be bad. Right now, I honestly believe that you are beating yourself up because when we are honest... it's really difficult to see an ex move on with someone other than us. It can really mess with a persons head. But, you know what!?!? Give it a little time and I bet you anything you are saying... "Thank goodness he is her problem and not mine!"Keep your head up, girl! Do some things for you to get that self-esteem up and running again! You may be surprised at the sunshine you can make all by yourself!
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