A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a problem that is really getting to me.I am 17 and in a school sixth form. I have a male teacher, quite a bit older. We have grown very very close - although we have done nothing physical, I would constitue what we have as an emotional affair. we spend many hours together after school and when I should be in other lessons. He constantly hints that he likes me. We email each other out of school, and sometimes in lessons he will send the rest of the class off to a pc room so we can sit and talk.Recently he has started to get a bit controlling. He has brought my friend out of lessons several times, lying to her, saying that I have told him to ask her about MY lovelife. He questions her on what has happened if I have been on a date etc. I got angry with him about this, and he started completely ignoring me. I started thinking that somehow I was in the wrong, and so worked extra hard to get him to open back up to me. He did, and I was delighted. Other times I have ignored him because i have tried to move on, but i crack eventually and we end up just being even closer.My friend is unhappy with him questioning her, and thinks he's bad for me. he never talks to her unless its to question her about me. I deep down sort of know that she's right, but the thing is I CAN'T forget about him. I have tried so hard but it's impossible. He's like a drug, an addiction, and i feel so unhappy when im not with him.I feel that if I try to go on a date with someone else I never actually like the person that much. I have had a hugely failed relationship this year - the boy was absolutely besotted by me, wanted to marry me, would have done anything for me and I finished him and broke his heart because I couldn't cope with it when all I could think about was the teacher - and he HATED my bf with a passion. my ex has now gone completely off the rails and i feel ive ruined his life.Over the past few weeks I became involved with someone else and have also had to finish him. He is really upset, and i feel like a horrible tease, but it's not like that at all - i just crave some normality but when I get it I don't want it - I want my teacher. I can't commit to anybody else so I am literally trapped with him.Other dates I have gone on have also been disastrous - something literally always happens which reminds me of him - and I have let friendships die because Ive been too preoccupied with the situation. some of my friends stopped speaking to me when they heard rumours about me and the teacher. I am now just 'that girl' involved with her teacher. My work is suffering and I feel as though I am cracking. My teacher has jokily FORBIDDEN me to have boyfriends, claiming that my life 'begins in june' when i leave school. If ever I mention a boys name he will pick for faults - yet he will not come out and tell me that the reason is because he is attracted to me so i am caught in limbo.All of my old friends are moving on with their lives, settled in big groups of friends and with long term boyfriends, and I feel lonely and miserable. Sorry I know, this is long, but i am desperate :-( I don't know what to do :-( I can't forget him.
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affair, move on, my ex, my teacher, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kitty_3  +, writes (15 April 2009):
 hey! i just came across this! how did it work out for you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): i'm not a professional or anything but from what i've read it seems that both of your feelings started off genuine, then somewhere up the road they turned false. like have you heard of Stockholm syndrome? its when a kidnapping victim becomes very close and loyal to their abductor. well i know he hasn't physically abducted you but he's taken your mind captive and that's just as bad. so i think what you're feeling isn't really affection. it's a loyalty to him because of the power he has over you. and I'm 17 too so i understand that people our age have low self esteem and it's natural to like someone who seems to show interest in you. what might have started out as a crush might have turned into an obsession just because of his attention towards you. this isn't healthy at all and your teacher has acted inappropriately for his profession and i really think that he needs reprimanding and not because of his feelings for you but because of how prying he's been and how involved he's tried to become in your life. he took an innocent crush and made it a serious problem and i don't think you've helped it at all by going along with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2008): Dear,I am sure you will take the right decision in the end.But please keep away from him whether you report him or not.I am going to have you in my prayers.Regards,Bugs
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAgain, I haven't said that I wont report him.There are no embellishments.I have feelings for him, and I defy anyone with feelings for someone to want to do something that would get them into so much trouble.Thankyou for all your advice.I need to think of what to do now.thanks again.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 October 2008):
 I TOLD you she wouldn't report him. Perhaps it's because there is some embellishments???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): From Taylor. First I am so sorry that you being so youngg that this has happened.Your teacher has more years on you and more experience with life. I would say your teacher shows no common sense. Attractions happen,but this will never cause you grief. You have your life in front of you to make choices on what you want in the way of education and choices to meet other people.Give your life achance. Take time away from this teacher.By the way he could go to jail for being involved with a minor.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionexcuse me, but how do you know that im not going to report him?
i came to this site because i am at the end of my tether and i wanted advice as to what to do. As it happens i WOULD find it hard to report him because, however misguided, i do have feelings for him. also i would feel hypocritical because i will readily admit that i have led him on, it is often me going to him, i have chased him in the past, and sometimes, and yes, i know its deplorable, i enjoy winding him up telling him about lads etc.
HOWEVER if i could get over him, then i may see the situation more clearly and then who knows i might consider it.
i just wanted advice as to what to do, whether anyone else agreed that he was acting unfairly, innapropriately etc.
im sorry, i know there seems to be alot of these generic 'my teacher sometimes smiles at me in the hall, does this mean he likes me' questions, so i understand it must get abit irritating, but again i believe this is a genuine problem.
also, thankyou to fade that was very insightful, although quite worrying.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): Fade and Eyes I am hoping the girl will report this slimy absolutely repulsive creature.Please join me in my prayers.Eyes Mwah.Mwah.you always make me smile even when I am trying to bang my head in frustration as is the case here...
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 October 2008):
Who wants to bet that this young lady is NOT going to report this teacher, she is throughly enjoying any attention she gets from him. It's a massive crush and she will be posting again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): I believe you dear.I should say he is the elder one here.He should know better.I don't know what term to use for a person like this.He is preying on your feelings.According to him you are and he should see you as a child.He is trying to control you.Do not tell him anything of what we have discussed.Go to your parents stealthily.Tell them about it.I am sure they will stand by you.He should be expelled from school at once.Its the safety and security of young children at stake here.I am a mom myself.What I am saying might sound very bitter to you.I care for you dear and so am here.Do not be alone with him anytime any place.This is emotional abuse and could soon turn into sexual abuse if you let it.Its very natural to feel flattered by his attention.Thats what he is aiming at.If you are wondering Why am I concerned so much.Just imagine your little brother or sister being preyed on by a snake like him.What would you do in such a situation?You seem intelligent.I trust you to do the right thing. Please keep us posted.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Wow that is a problem! I also have a crush on a teacher that worked in my school but he was only 8 years older than me, not my teacher, and never did anything wrong but I could tell he liked me and we had something so i emailed him, told him how i felt, and he reponded and said he was a professional and could not persue anything. I totally respect him for that answer and as much as it hurts, he is right. If your teacher is really like that towards you...he is definately not right and does not have the right intentions. Stay away!! Your better off in the long run otherwise things could get ugly with him. He doesnt sound like he genuiley cares about you as a person..it sounds like he has other motives like maybe just sex...you do not want to be used by someone who is an authority figure to you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Thanks for the advice.
Eyeswideopen, unclephil and Bugs - all I can say is that I wish I had embellished this. I assure you none of it's made up - i wouldn't bother wasting my time asking for advice about a problem that wasn't really there and i certainly wouldn't fantasise over something that would hurt this much.
He does send the class off - his room is adjacent to a pc room and he is a media teacher so we are between the two classrooms. He will say things such as that he needs to talk to us individually about our course deadlines etc and i inevitably end up being there the longest, and little of what we discuss has anything to do with work. Other teachers have noticed, i think, from their reactions when they come into his room and im there, but there is a certain amount of leniency towards him as he's been employed at the school a while now and is generally very popular. also there were rumours around the 6th form about us a few months back - luckily they were amongst the upper year who have now left.
I genuinely feel that the situation gets too much. I just don't know what to do :-( I can't keep him out of sight out of mind - i go to a small school where im bound to see him in the corridors and i have 5 hours of lessons with him a week.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): "and sometimes in lessons he will send the rest of the class off to a pc room so we can sit and talk." I have been a part time teacher myself.Its absolutely impossible with out other students and teachers gossiping about it.It would have reached the head teacher's ears in no time and he would have been expelled.
If you are having a crush ,its very natural to have crushes in your age.These crushes can be cured by the "out of sight,out of mind" medicine.finish school and update us again if its an original post that is
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): Me neither.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 October 2008):
This post is very very familiar. And I'm sorry but I think much of it has been embellished by a school girl with a very large crush on her teacher. I doubt that your teacher would be so very stupid to carry on like this with a student. Sorry I just don't buy it.
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A
male
reader, Creative +, writes (28 October 2008):
I agree, he's a control freak, like most teachers!
My advice would be to: concentrate on your studies, get good grades, find some nice female friend, go to the movies, have fun, etc.
I know it's hard but you sound miserable!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 October 2008):
Wow this teacher is not only breaking the law with you but he is abusing his power by interrogating your friend.
He sounds controlling and manipulative. I wouldn't advise you went out with a boy like this if he was in your year... let alone the fact he is your teacher.
As you have noticed... he is being very clever, he has not said he is attracted to you and he's only making vague suggestions about June... which is when you'll be out of school and out of his responsibility.
My opinion is that he is being careful because he knows he is breaking the law, and he is intending to have sex with you as soon as it is technically legal.
The fact he's being so sneaky makes me think his motives are that he wants you because you are a barely legal child. He hasn't mentioned feelings or anything to you, he just wants you as his possession to do god knows what to and you will have no legal come back to stop him teaching and picking some other poor girl to prey on.
You say he's like a drug and I can understand that but I think deep down you know this isn't right, just like everyone else.
Please try hard to go cold turkey on this guy, give him up and get your friends to help you. If dating other guys doesn't work then just hang out with your friends lots and be strong.
Good Luck!! xx
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