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female
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anonymous
writes: I am now an 18 year old female and in my last year of sixth form. I had a relationship with my 33 year old female teacher which started in August 2004 till September 2005. My parents found out about it and put a stop to it. The police decided it wasn't criminal and the school cannot sack her as it started after I finished school. At the time I thought I loved her and since September I have gone through a very painful couple of months of counselling and being separated from her. Finally I realise that I was taken advantage of and this was not a healthy relationship for an insecure 16 year old. It's just that now the police have dropped the case and she is getting her job back she wants me back... She has sent me 2 short emails and visited me at the shop where i work just to give me a meaningful look. This has completely thrown me after my months of counselling and starting to feel back on track... suddenly i almost feel swayed into going back to her. I know I need to sever this relationship but it hurts so much remembering what we used to have. I suppose I haven't quite dealt with all the issues surrounding this. Anyway my question is... any tips for getting over her? Or at least whether I should write a letter telling her that we can't be together anymore? My parents completely forbid anymore contact with her.... I don't know what i want. I miss her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2005): Hi this is the person who wrote the question - Thank you so much for your answer - you don't know how helpful you've been. I have taken a stand and have finally figured out i need to move on with my life. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. xxx
A
female
reader, AgonyAunt +, writes (28 November 2005):
You say that you were in a relationshipo with this female teacher, are you a lesbian or bisexual or are you even sure of your sexuality as you were only 16. When i was finising school here in the u.k i was 18 and involved with a man, I was moving so i had to leave him but our relationship was completley one sided meaning i wanted to be with him and he didn't really want to be with me. As soon as i plucked up the courage to leave him well alone he decided he did want to be with me, so it was ultimately my decesision what I wanted to do...just like you... You have the chance to as i see it foolishly go back into this relationship or hold your head up, find the strength and leave well alone...and in my case i found it best to leave well alone. I know its cliche but you are so young and you have got so much to look foward to, so much more to feel, laugh about and even cry about. How to do you feel when you are with this woman, do you feel happy, carefree? Or do you feel on your toes, frightned to be found out? Most people in order to get over a relationship hang around with their girlfriends, stuff their face with chocolate o rjust cry themselves silly for a while, but having to get counselling is not a normal healthy way to get over a relationship and is that really where you want to be when this relationshipo goes bust again? Go to a different counsellor as someone new might be refreshing for you and it seems this current counseller isn't really doing anything for you in the sense of stability. Change your e-mail address, if you really want no more to do with this woman you have to make a stand, show that you are in control and that you are not the vulnerable little niave girl she mangaged to seduce before. Spend a little time with your friends and family, spend some quality time with the people that have supported you, it will be good for you to see that people really do care. Show her that you are now in control, what could have been appealing to her is knowing that she could have you if she wanted you, you woul dbe there at th eclick of her fingers, is this really a relationship or just bullying? Think about it. If she makes a gesture, ignore her, rise above it, but most of all get yourself a new man or woman!!!
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