A
female
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*ugapuff
writes:i need some advice i just broke up with my boyfriend he's being very depressed and changed alot when he dumped me it was like we didnt even know each other now thats fine ive accepted its over hes not the person i wanted to be with anymore.basically im only 21 but lifes bein tough.i enjoy life and am finally at a point were i felt happy until this break up!i knew my ex 3years we went out for 1year we were so close and then he just changed and treated me like i was no one!how can i trust again? i never ever thought hed do this to me i know its to do with him bein depressed that has him so cold but ive been depressed myself and i never treated anyone like that!so its no excuse i deserved so much better!i just need advice on how stop myself becoming cynical and hard hearted towards relationships i wanna be on my own for awhile to get over this but my ex was older and his cynicalness towards love used to upset me!i dont wanna end up like that!I wana live life to the full and take chances but i just feel so tired and mistrustful of relationships!just any tips from people who have felt the same and got through it?i dont need a man to be happy i know il be happy again by myself!i just dont wanna be cut off from experiencing love again because i cant trust or believe in it!
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reader, sugapuff +, writes (23 October 2006):
sugapuff is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for all the advice!it is tough when you stop trusting your own judgement but in this case i dont think anyone could have predicted how much he would change all our friends are shocked!ive hurt lovely guys in the past after coming out of a relationship when i was hurt i dont wanna do that again for sure!!!its just tough bein out and about cause their really are alot of assholes on the dating scene!there is a panic of dear god i dont wanna go back out there its horrible!!!!
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (23 October 2006):
 I've been in the same situation as I think most probably have at some point, you really don't want to go into the next thing with your eyes closed but you don't want to take your previous baggage in with you so the next person suffers for what the last one did to you.
I would say for a start you are doing the right thing by giving yourself time to get over your ex and be single for abit as going too quickly into a new relationship gives more chance of the baggage and hurt following, you just have to remember that not everyone is the same and not everyone treats people the same, life is about chances and taking each one given to you and not shying away from something that could be good because previously the chances haven't been, always keep an open mind and remember that until someone actually hurts you there is still a chance there are different and may never hurt you.
Good luck :o)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2006): Hun, I think we all have gone through this. You sound like a strong girl who clearly wants to choose wisely next time. I think the key is to remember "no two people are exactly the same" and you can't judge all men based on what your ex bf did to you. What he did was about 'him' and his own problems. You just got caught in the crossfire. This is what is causing you to be stuck and you need to drop the pretty self-defeating way to think. I would suggest you keep a real positive attitude, go slow and be very selective when finding anew and interesting people to spend your time with, in the future.
Remember, when ever you choose love, you are also choosing loss. Love is a huge risk. But whatever happens as a result of your choices-you will certainly grow, mature, develop and know more about yourself simply because you have absorbed the life lesson. You were hurt more than what you think..so please mend your heart over time and instead of closing off your heart, expand it. But above all, through all this..have compassion for yourself. Just give yourself a sense of personal power and choose to learn from all this. I wish you the best dear. Take care and keep being strong and always keep believing in yourself.
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