A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About one year ago, I was the happiest I had ever been! I had fallen in love with a mysterious man. He was constant smiles for months. We made love at every given opportunity. He complimented me and bragged about me to everyone. We both spent our time carefree doing things we had never done. He asked me to marry him within the first week. I laughed it off but then for months he kept asking. I was ridiculously happy.Unfortunatley he came along with all this baggage, some good some not so good. He has three kids that he's fighting for and a nasty ex who treated him horribly. About five months ago we were forced to move in with his mom. His mother was unable to pay her rent and we could not afford both rents. I did it without thought thinking I'd do anything for this man that has made me so happy. About a month ago his mother lost all income and he has been working hard to pay ALL of the bills and save thousands for the upcoming court date for custody of his children. He has been working ten hour days six days a week. He is stressed to say the least.I try to be there for him, but he doesn't tell me whats wrong or how I can help. He has always been a man of few words more so when he's unhappy.About a month ago his friend moved in with us because of his drug habit. My boyfriend wanted to help him recover.For two months thing have been horrible between us. His passion has dissenergrated. I can't remember the last time he told me I'm beautiful. I've stood by his side, trying to make his days easier by doing housework, rubbing his back and trying to help. I get anger in return. I kiss him and he doesn't kiss back and brushes me off. I cuddle him and bed and he turns over mumbling about being uncomfortable. I send him sweet texts with no resonse. I send him dirty texts with no response. There is no passion when we make love and he rarely tells me he loves me. When I confront him about his, he returns with anger and doesn't understand why I feel this way. Or he ignores me completley and leaves the room or goes to sleep. I've cried everyday for the last month. He catches me crying once in a while. He asks what's wrong. I say the same thing that's been wrong for the past month. That is the end of the conversation and again he leaves the room or goes to sleep. I have asked him if he wanted me to leave and all he says is if you're not happy just go.Last night, he walked in on me crying once more and asked what's wrong. I said you tell me that you love me but you don't show it. I feel like you have lost your love for me. He doesn't say a thing and we sit in silence. He falls asleep five minutes later. I'm left miserable and I have no clue on what to do. I feel I'm trying as hard as I can for the both of us. I don't want to leave him when he needs support so bad but I don't know how long I can go on like this.
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (14 July 2012):
 I know it is hard as I have had my fair share of bad experiences. You just cannot stay in this type of situation. It is weird how people can be so wonderful one minute and almost change overnight. It really does a number on us when this happens. I always find it interested that men always need more space or more understanding when they really just need dumped! Nothing excuses behavior like this. I wish you the best and will be thinking about you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionanonymous writer who thinks he needs more space: I said nothing and spent two lonely weeks at home while he went to the bar every night. I do my own thing most nights in another room while he plays video games with his live in friend. I do this because I don't know what I can say that won't make him angry and I did understand that he needed space. About a month ago I broke my ankle on accident. He wouldn't even help me to the bathroom let alone drive me to the hospital. I tried to understand then. I tried to understand when a simple argument blew up so bad he starting throwing things and injured my foot in the process.A relationship is not supposed to be this way. When stress arises a couple should work as a team to get threw it. They should support each other and hold their love. I feel like I'm going to be sick wondering if I'm making the right decision but I know I'm worth more than this.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (14 July 2012):
 It appears that he cannot stop himself from taking on everyone else's burden. I suspect he is feeling trapped beneath the load he has created. His life is no longer fun and carefree. Is he driven by duty? Guilt? I do not know, but he seems to have trouble saying no to people who have a need and the more he says yes, the smaller he becomes. What is he hoping to achieve? Nobility? Maybe he feels guilty being so happy, so he's managed to suck the life out of his relationship with you, and the joy from his own existence. Unfortunately you have now become just another duty he has taken on. I think you should muster up every ounce of courage you have and move out. Whatever he is going through, he must go through it alone. He is completely responsive to you and you cannot continue to live like this. You love him yes, but he does not appear to love you anymore. Move out. Give him some space. Don't call him. Don't stop by. Then just see if that jars him into reality. If it doesn't you must move on. I wish you the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your advice ladies. I've decided I've had enough and I am making plans to leave. I told him and when I did he said his signature goodbye, "dueces." Unfortunatley, my things are spread out throughout the house and in multiple buildings so moving will me a nightmare.
To Bonggirl72: Thank you, my family has been telling me everything that you said, I just wanted to have faith that it could change. Everything you said rings true. If this is what hes like when he's stressed out I can't see myself dealing with this long term. As I'm writing this he just kicked his friend out wtf!
I hope I can stay strong since I am going to be living here until I can find a home, As horrible as that sounds.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (14 July 2012):
Why would you be FORCED to move in with someone's mother? Then why would you be FORCED to help pay all the bills? Then again, why would you allow anyone who is a drug addict to stay in the same household with you? Helping a drug addict recover is naive. I know because I tried to help a family member do it.
While I am glad you found someone who temporarily made you happy, he is now permanently ruining your life. You talk to him, he ignores you. He's taking care of a drug addict, he cannot have his own household because he has taken over his mother's household, he works so much you don't see him, he's Mr. Serious so he won't communicate with you, he brushes you off, he shows you no affections, you talk to him and he ignores you. What do you think things are going to be like if he has no time or affection for you now, and then he gets custody of his three children? How long are you going to do this before you realize it is not a good situation for you?
My advice is find a place of your own or stay with family until your he can get back on his feet financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Then, if he's still interested in you, perhaps you can give it another try. This is not just baggage, this is a lot more than baggage. These are lots of poor life decisions being made over and over again. Please get yourself out of this household and this situation and go to a place where you can live in a healthy situation for awhile. After that, maybe you can find a relationship that is healthy too. This is so dysfunctional, I do not see a way to make it better aside of leaving.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): you need to just back off and leave him alone, and give him space. People like him tend to withdrawn when stressed out, and right now he has got MAJOR stress - his mom's financial situation, his custody battles, his workload, his friend with the drug habit. Most people can deal with one major stressor, or even two. But when several all pile on you at the same time, it can really break you mentally. He might be going through that. And it's only to be expected that people will not be feeling very good about the world when this happens and will tend to withdraw or be sullen.It's not his fault that he is stressed, this is just life. It's good that you're trying to help out, but the best way you can help him is to be understanding of his need for space and to be left alone because he's not feeling "in the mood". It's unreasonable to expect him to be 'passionate' now when he's going through such a rough time. To get mad at him over it, is not being very sympathetic or understanding, it's focusing on what YOU want and not considering how he feels and what he needs.not all people deal with problems by running into each other's arms. Many people like him need extra space in order to deal with problems. that's just the way he is. Learn to take care of your own feelings and not be so dependent on him to display affection and passion all the time even when he's going through incredibly difficult times. I mean, it's only been 2 months. give him a break. this does not mean your relationship is in trouble. But if you drive him away from you by adding to his stress it could weaken the relationship if he comes to see you as being inconsiderate of his needs or too dependent on him.don't worry these troubled times will pass and he will be more normal again when they do. if you want your relationship to survive, you need to back off him for now and just leave him to be however he needs to be, so that when he emerges from these stressful times, he will want to be with you and not see you as something that contributed to his stress.
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