A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey yesterday my partner started an argument about me spending £3 on a game i knew it was a pointless argument which is why walked away i stayed in another room away from her she was adamant she was right to shout at me for this and said she was not going to apologise so then we didnt speak the whole day she blanked me but at night i went togo talk to her i told her i cant keep been treated like this cuz this is not the only one unreasonable argument we have had but this one when i went togo try sort it she got angry with me again and said she had cheated on me becouse she thought ive done it to her but she and i know i havnt cheated on her as im in the house lookin after kids 24/7, so i ran out went to my family really upset i told them the part where shes just admitted to cheating on me, so now ive spoken to my family about this she says that we cant be together becouse iv told my family, what was i suppost todo did do wrong and what about how i feel we have spoken more but shes more worried about what my family thinks of her. help me!!!! she is now sayin she would never cheat on me but she cant be with me becouse i told my sister and my gay brother also shes the one that works at a pub and plays for the pool team and i stay in looking after kids.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 December 2016):
 Anon why would you come to the conclusion that she is an alcoholic? Because she works in a pub?
Anyway look she needs to start taking responsibility for her actions. She could very well have cheated. We don't know for sure. Is she distant from you? Late home from work, how often does she play pool?
It sounds like she is using you. You stay at home looking after the children while she is out playing pool, do you work? Mediation would be a good start for you both as she is not going to admit anytime soon about what she does wrong. Off course you should be able to talk to your family and it sounds like she is controlling you and wanting to isolate you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso can i add all children are mine. And the cuurrent situation. On that night she told me she felt numb and didnt feel anything for me becouse i told my family members about what she said but after that day she apologised to me about what she said. She was just trying to hurt my feelings but i know saying stuff like that has now messed with my head and im now questioning myself everyday has she done it or not which im sure no one can blame me for. She works in a pub 4-12midnight 4 days a week and she asked me go sit with her. Do i take her up on that offer.?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey there im greatful for your replies but that 1st answer is making me panic and im scared to ask her if she has cheated on me i dont really wanna start another argument so her telling me shes cheated on me cuz she thought i have done it to her does this mean she has cheated on me?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2016): Quite honestly Im not that keen on what your partner says.Most of it is rubbish.She started an arguement because you spent £3!She felt entitled to continue the arguement , having started it in the first place.Then it turns out to be that she is not arguing about £3 but trying to create a volatile atmosphere to fling it in your face that she cheated!And she wants to blame you for her cheating, saying that she cheated because she thought you already had.You say you have three children together who you care about and care for!But when you told your family about the recent events of her cheating she blamed you again!These events are unfair.Your partner lacks the maturity to take responsibility for her own actions and she prefers to blame you instead.You deserve a better partner and she knows it.Hence mediation is probably the best thing because your partner uses volatile arguing as a way of avoiding her problems.Are the children all yours or are you prepared to act as their father because you have a generous heart?I think you maybe more valuable than you realise.I think you may also be a better person than your partner currently is.Mediation would help you to sort out your feelings in a safe enviroment so that you dont fly off the handle but I would continue to talk with your family.Maybe move back with them and force her to choose her children or her pool and take mediation from that particular angle.I think your partner is possibly alcoholic .
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (6 December 2016):
 Trying to unpick your post was not the easiest thing. Essentially I think you and she need to go to mediation.
This should take place in a calm neutral place where you can put your points of view calmly, and be listened to.
You can get free help from Relate for example or NFM.
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