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female
,
anonymous
writes: I just want to ask people's opinions on insecurity, low self-esteem and jealousy and where they "come" from. Because I (22 years old) suffer from all these even though I'm involved in a loving, long term (two years) relationship which I could not be happier. My bf (24 years old) is so considerate, loving, supportive... And he always reassures me that he wants to spend the rest of my life with me and I trust him with my life.So the problem is, why do I still feel insecure? I have never been involved in a relationship before where my exes cheated on me, my bf never gives me any reason to doubt him, nor do I come from an abusive background or history. I've had my ups and downs throughout my younger years on self-esteem, but who hasn't? I've worked on myself to be more secure, being more independent... But the mystery is still, where is it coming from? Any suggestion or tips to getting over your demons are fully appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses. My insecurities and the jealousies have, in the past, caused major problems in our relationship, to the point where we were at a breaking point. I convinced myself that I didn't deserve him, he'll find someone else better, I'm better off alone etc... I even thought he'd be happier with this other girl because she's was a better person. So I told him repeatedly that he likes her and better off with her instead. Obviously he didn't fancy her but it was all in my head. This ended up as a huge arguement, shouting match... all because I IMAGINED he likes her!
Now I'm taking little steps towards being nice to me. Everytime I start telling myself he doesn't want me, I remind myself that he does love me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. It's hard, but I'm getting there. I'll definately try beentheredonethat's tip and see if I can be happy with myself.
Any other help or tips are always, and still welcome!
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (9 March 2006):
All the love in the world can't help cure someone all by itself who is very insecure. You have to believe you DESERVE it! So although your bf is veryr loving and all that and you still don't feel compeltely secure, its because you need to understand that you deserve it. Now where did it all come from? Hmm im not sure. Scine you can't think of any significant event that has happened in your life, my idea is that obviously people have said bad things to you, like puting you down and making you feel bad about yourself throughout your life, like we all do and you really took it to heart perhaps. and maybe thats what got it all started. But really, I mean EVERYONE has insecurities, we all do, even when we get older, its only natrual to think negative about yourself at times. My question to you is though, are these insecurities worrying you that much, to be interfearing with your life? if they are then maybe the insecurities do need ot be dealt with.
:( sorry if i couldnt help
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A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (9 March 2006):
 Well low self esteem, insecurity and jealousy are all in the same ball of wax.
Have you ever considered the sorts of things you say to yourself every day? Do you chastise yourself for not being perfect or call yourself stupid when you forget your wallet? What other people say to us affects us...but most people never even think about how rude and horrible they are to themselves.
If my boss or a friend were to walk up to me and tell me I was a Dumb ******* for locking my keys in my car and by the way you look especially old and wrinkly today. I would probably put them in the hospital. (yep my anger management skills suck...so I don't talk to MYSELF like that)
When you have to tell a friend something hard...don't you do it in the most respectful, kind way you can? Be a friend to yourself. Don't call yourself names in your thoughts or tell yourself you are not good enough or smart or capable of keeping your boyfriend happy.
These things...words...thoughts....All affect how we see the world every day.
Instead of saying, "you are such an idiot for locking your keys in the car!" say, "you will sure learn a lesson from that...don't worry it happens to everyone and there must be a reason you were not meant to be off and on the road at this exact moment in time."
Learn to treat yourself with respect, understanding and love.
For one month, you are to say only nice things to yourself....if you slip you have to put a dollar in a jar. At the end of the month take a look at how many negative, unhealthy thoughts you have put upon yourself. (and remember this is AFTER you have become aware of it and resolved not to do it) Then think about whether or not you feel any better about yourself.
Now the next step is you treat yourself with that money at the end of the month....AND the next month you must also wake up in the morning and think of something nice to say to yourself. It can be something like "Last night I gave my body enough sleep and I am going to do something else that is good for me today." or "I have really pretty eyes."
Self esteem is about how YOU treat you. How you show respect for the wonderful gift of you healthy functioning body...no matter what you imagine the flaws to be.
Have you ever seen the movie Dirty Dancing? Remember the cute little girl who played Baby? Well she decided that her nose needed FIXed. It was not perfect...now it is. To bad she can't get work because nobody recognises her and everyone is mortified that she would have not understood how that imperfection created such beauty in her. Now she's just average...her imperfection made her perfect. What must she have said to herself...to have wanted to make her best feature just average? I will bet you she started her morning with "I hate my nose....." Eventually...she believed it.
What have you convinced YOU of lately?
Start there.
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