A
female
age
51-59,
*ackie10
writes:Hi. Last year, my professor stared twice at my body during the lectures. I am aged 40.After the course, he asked me to go to come to his office to help me with my thesis. I went there every week. He was soo nice, kind, heplful and a gentleman. Two months later, he asked me some personal questions and talked about some bad sex experiences that women face. Suddenlly, I caught him staring at my breast inner corner. I stood up, he kept looking at my breasts. I cover them with a book, so he looked down at my hips.I made excuses to leave.He called me back and asked me to come back again. Whenever he saw me, he stares at my body. He told me I am beautiful. Two months ago, he sent me a facebook friendship request. I ignored the request, but he can send me a msg. Some freinds of mine said he was looking at their bodies too. I like himWhat should i do?
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female
reader, Jackie10 +, writes (27 December 2012):
Jackie10 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there,
I just want to say that I knew from tha first time I saw him what he was after. He is 74 married man who I saw and heard that he's staring at women's bodies. I had a problem with my theise and there was no one else to help. Every time I went to his office there were other students except the times he flattered me. Before I went to his office, I thought I can deal with such situation. I made it clear for him that I'm not going to offer anything for his help. But, yes, I didn't know the rules of the game. I was opssesed by having children, besides other problems. He's very very smart and know when, where and how to 'hunt' someone. It wasn't easy for me! Sometimes some feelings control our brains! It is sometimes hard to accept the reality!
The problem is that I don't want to have a negative approach towerds other men because of him. That day a coworker was talking to me and I think he may like me. I just wasn't in mood to talk.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 December 2012):
 You wrote:
**Do professors have sexual intersts in their students all over the world? I thought it is not allowed**
Yes, it's not really LEGAL in many places but many universities don't enforce it if the students are over 18.
When I was in college we had a professor who slept with quite a few students and many of them under 18 - no one complained because the students got "better" grades and well he got sex.. Rather immoral and disgusting, but FAR FAR from rare.
Do you think this professor will marry you because he is looking at your body? If so, then you are a little delusional. And I think he is not a gentleman but a smart predator who picked out the weakest of the "herd" - you. He knows you are not familiar with the rules of the "game" he is playing and therefor he can "play" you.
And I'm sorry you can't just pick a man for yourself. :(
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A
female
reader, Jackie10 +, writes (26 December 2012):
Jackie10 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there,
I donot know if my prevoius post was published.
All the replies are intersting.Thank you.
Again I want to explain some points:
I am from the Middle East. People can't have children unless they are married. Some women get old with out children or husbends for personal, social or economical reasons. In my case, they are personal and social reasons.Sometimes I didn't have a choice.
I talked to my doctor and she said that my fertility presentage is 60% a year. Still I have hope.
However, getting married just to have babies, in my case, is not wisable. I may not!
Asking me why I am concedering an old professor, it's because I feel I don't have a choice or even hope!
That man who touched my arm is a stranger who offered me help when I fell off and hurt my arm. I was alon in class when he came in and started talking to me. I talked to him and thanked him for his help, but I didn't espect him to hold my hand and touch it softly. I said no and walked to the door, but he blocked my way. I felt uncomfortable!He was carrying some books and papers, I thought he's may be a student!
I really do not want to lose a chance to have a good man. I know there are many.
Do professors have sexual intersts in their students all over the world? I thought it is not allowed. The reason why I thought my professor was a good man was that every body said so. Also, some people encourged me to socialse with him as he was so HELPFUL! I knew from the beginning what his purpose was and asked him to tell me the truth. He refused, saying he just want to help me. Laier!
How can I stop thinking about him?
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A
female
reader, Jackie10 +, writes (26 December 2012):
Jackie10 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there,
Thank you for replying. Your comments are really intersting.
Let me first explain some issues:
I'm not from England, I'm from the Middle East. Here people can't have babies unless they are married. Also, having relationships is really unacceptable. Some people do, but not in public. Some women do not get married or have babies for personal, social or economical reasons. In my case, I have social problems, still I can get married in future.
I talked to my doctor and she said that in my case the fertility presentage is 60% a year which means 50/50. Marrying an old man gets it worse.
I agree that an old man getting attracted to a younger woman means only sex.May be he doesn't want a child.Mmmmmm.
The man who touched my arm is not a person I know. He's a stranger. That day I fell off bfore my class and hurt myself. I got a bruse on my arm. When I got into my class, a stanger followed me and offered me help. It seemed he's a student as he was carying books and papers. I said no. I was alone. It seemed he saw me falling off. He graped my hand and touched my hand and fingurs softly! I told him to stop and tried to leave, he just tried to close my way.
I know getting married to a younger man is better than an old man, but sometimes having control is not an option.
I have a good job and many friends, but the idea of not having a baby of my own is killing me. It makes me unhappy.:(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2012): Hello JackieI have read your post and the replies your have received. I don't think anyone said that you were easy.But as you have seen for yourself a number of University staff are deliberately choosing to take inappropriate interest in their students. Universities are trying to stamp out this behaviour.Your follow up was interesting but I am not sure how realistic you are about a number of issues.If you come from a non-english speaking background from country and culture where men can have more than one wife then England must seem very foreign to you. There are many wives in England who take a very dim view of any woman who looks like she is considering their husband as a suitor. It is not an option that will gain you respect in British society.yet some efforts by your fellow students may have been mis-interpreted. "One tried to touch my arm against my well, I threatend to screem"You mentioned that one student tried to touch your arm against your will. And you threatened to scream. Well last time I looked touching a person's arm is NOT an invitation to have a relationship. When you threatened to scream the student must have become most confused. Your reaction was far too extreme. with reactions like that it is likely that some students will avoid you as they misunderstand why you would threaten to scream in the circumstances.If you think getting pregnant by a married 74 year old Professor you may discover that this is not a good option.For a number of reasons.You may be feeling confused and desperate. But I don't think your approach is going to get you much except heart break. And no relationship is going to have much trust if you keep on threatening to complain to those above.Surely at 40 you are assertive enough to fight your own battles. And speak like an adult to the man. By saying calmly, "please take your hand off my ...... because it makes me feel uncomfortable when you do that."You are also leaving it very very late to find a husband to marry and time to have a child. I know there is IVF but that can be very expensive and take a long time and be very exhausting. As far as your Fibroids you must know that this will make it harder for you to get pregnant. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001912/http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/fibroids-getting-pregnant.htmlbeing over the age of 40 is a time when your fertility is falling.have you thought of having an operation on your uterine fibroids?But the next issue is that any man will not suffice as the father of your child. Even if you think a 74 year old married professor finds you attractive it does not mean that he can or would be interested in having a baby without you. Men's fertility can also reduce with age. and Older men have a greater chance of having a baby born with problems.http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9492343/Men-advised-to-start-early-if-they-want-healthy-babies.htmlif you really want a child in your life you could offer to foster unwanted or temporarily available baby.Giving birth to a baby is a long term commitment of many years into the future.Babies are not a sweet accessory. They will take a lot of your time. Will having a baby affect your career? you may like the older professor but I think that man is out of bounds, since he is married and he may not want to become a new father.I suggest you talk to your Doctor. Have the test that will confirm your level of fertility right now.And talk to your Doctor about your options if the Doctor does confirm that your fertility is already dropping. You should never assume that every man in England is eager to become a fatherAlso keep in mind that if you do get pregnant then in 15 to 18 years after your child is born your child may want to meet their father.
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A
female
reader, Jackie10 +, writes (26 December 2012):
Jackie10 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
It's good to discuss these issues.
I just want to make it clear that I'm NOT easy. Another professor was staring at my body too. He tried to talk to me in the campuse and chatted with me via facebook over 6 mths. At the beginning, we talked about academic stuff then he stated to talk about personal things, I refused. So, he deleted me.
Some students tried to have relationships with me, but I just didn't want to. One tried to touch my arm against my well, I threatend to screem and call for my professor then he stopped. Another professor at a very ripe age touched my breast with his fingre "by mistake"!
Even this professor, he didn't lay a finger on me beacause he knew I would screem and report him to the head of the department.
In addition, in my society, a man can have more than 1 wife! not that good ha!
Anyway. This man is 74 and I want to have a baby so soon, Im 40.
I'm confused, sometimes despeart. I have uterine febroids. May be this is why I want to get married soon. Do you understand?
However, why I'm sooo attracted to this man in particulat?
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 December 2012):
 there are many ''highly respected'' men (in their sphere) who also continuously CHEAT on their wife. And STAY married to their wife always.
This guy is looking for opportunities. Assessing who is more likely to be easy to seduce and then he'll go home to his wife.
He sounds like a player who uses his position to find his potential sexual partners.
I guess if he ogles 100 students he gets lucky one per cent of the time.
Why would you even consider this guy?
Because there are lots are truly honourable guys who do not ogle women. Who are respectable men. Who are faithful when in a committed relationship.
Go for an unattached guy who can devote 100% of his time exclusively, to building a relationship with you.
Why settle for the slops? And second best?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 December 2012):
I think honestly he is one of those "professors" who hits on anyone in a skirt hoping to get lucky. Hitting on an "older" (not that you are old) student is WAY safer then a young one.
I would honestly just refrain from talking about anything besides the topic. No sex talk or other intimate issues.
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A
female
reader, Jackie10 +, writes (25 December 2012):
Jackie10 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone,
thanks for replying.
It is true that he should socialize with me out of the university if he is serious. Though, my friend, who told me he was staring at her body, said that she visited him at home with her husbend. The professor visited her too with his wife! She said all men like to look at womem's bodies and that he is decent and restpectful and the way he looked at her was not serious. My other friend also visited him once at home with her husbend and 12 times with her maid and little child. The problem is that he has good reputation in the university and all over the country, he is a highly-ranked professor.
I don't want to sound strange, but I feel he likes me. I wish he would call me. PLZ help!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 December 2012):
you may have been flattered by his attention.
He may see every new intake of students. every year, as his to use for his own lustful purposes.
Sounds like he has "playing his students" down to a fine art. Always on the look out for someone who will be easy to seduce if he first of all makes all the right moves, playing at being a gentleman to reel you in.
I recall a lecturer like this when i returned to university as an adult. Just appalling. Eventually the girls chose to only go to his office in groups only, never alone. And ignored his suggestion to "call me ANY time, if you run into problems with this assignment" said with seduction promised in his voice as he would press his card into girl's hands. Just a predicatable creep looking out for his next vulnerable student to use.
i thought universities were trying to stamp out this predatory behaviour.
It's also very lazy on the part of the lecturer. He knows he is in a position of trust.
The guy needs to learn to socialize in social settings well away from the university and develop some real relationships where the dynamics are equal and not fettered by the Lecturer versus student dynamic which always puts him in the superior position.
Give this lecturer a wide birth.
Be polite but do not go to his rooms alone. Do not be caught alone with him. Make sure others are present when you talk to him about anything. If he is persistent or tries to give you a hard time go to the University "code of conduct" professionals. there are rules imposed on lecturers. Sadly some of the more foolish lecturers ignore the rules and their own Code of Conduct constraints on what is unacceptable.
Just because you were perhaps flattered and a little lonely and it seemed a good idea at the time does not mean it is in your best interests..
Far better that you get involved in some of the activities on campus and socialize with fellow students. take up a sport. It will give your life more balance and socializing with fellow students will help you. You will learn so much by talking things over with fellow students.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 December 2012):
 I understand that you can like someone even when the relationship is inappropriate. I don't think you like him personally. You just got horny. He's actually behaving like a predator. I don't know if sex is illegal between teachers and of age students. I still think it's not a good idea. Whether you want just sex or you want dating a professor is someone you steer clear of. I know that student and professors can end up being married couples but that number is very small. He looks at other women too. He can't exercise self control. He can get a warning, or even fired when a woman decides to report him. You should really cover up, and look boring so he will find other women to look at. You don't need to go to his office. You know what that would lead to eventually. Find some other guy to satisfy that urge.
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