A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It seems like the root of my problems is low self-esteem/confidence. I think I have gotten a lot stronger, especially with the help of my boyfriend... but how can I make sure that my doubts don't keep coming up in my mind and affecting our relationship?
View related questions:
confidence Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2012): hi, i've been in the same situation as you are going through: low confidence/esteem to the point that i felt like i was not a person (doormat-mode). It got to the point that a few months back i went to therapy for the first time ever which is actually working. For the first time in my life i finally love and respect myself. To sum up, one of my big problems is that i was always looking for validation from others e.g. always thinking about what other people thought of me (in what i did or what i said) etc... , meaning that i was always doing what others wanted first and what i thought they were expecting of me. Another thing is that i had trouble accepting who i am: i'm rather introverted, where as western society/media usually portrays extroverts as the norm... i thought there was something wrong with me, but now i have learnt to accept who i am and that i shouldn't be ashamed of it. I learnt that I needed to first love myself by respecting who i am: thinking what i want in life, what makes me happy and stop relying/being dependent on others acceptance. Now that i finally realized this, i feel free and in harmony with who i am. Maybe this doesn't fit your situation, but in any case, i wish this was something i had realized sooner.
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (29 September 2012):
 Believe it or not most women have low self-esteem and confidence issues more than you think. That doesn't make it right and is good you are working on it. Don't worry about it affecting your relationship this guy understands and love you that is why he is working with you.
I will give your some steps on self confidence . First thing is to identify what gives you these insecurities. Hell, i used to have a long list! Write it down it could be anything from bad past experience, friends at school, acne etc. Tear the list up afterwards this helps. Next, I don't know if you have a close relationship with you mum, sister or a good girlfriend? My mum was really a strong force in helping me deal with my love self-esteem. This doesn't mean you shouldn't depend on your boyfriend too but it might be good to share with others as well so you don't appear too needy and I am sure a female view is always good to have too!
Also remember that no one is perfect even the most confidence people you see out there have insecurities.At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of ups and down.
Is also good to know what you are good at and what make you excel and focus on that. Everyone has talent you just have to discover and develop yours and make it shine! If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons. It also gives you the chance to meet other compatible friends as well.
Sometime lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. You are more than lucky to have a guy who cares some people have no one.
Be positive and act confident even if you don't feel this way . Don't allow anyone make you feel inferior they can only do so if you let them and if you don't have confidence in yourself no one will.
Finally if be kind to the people around you because if you are making a positive difference in other people's lives which will improve your self confidence. As little as a smile I always give when i say hello to someone at the office even to the busy receptionist always warms my heart and make my day a beautiful one especially when they smile back.
All the best
Kelly
...............................
|
