A
female
age
,
*onley sac
writes:I was dating a married man for 1 year. He is my boss. He said that he could no longer continue this affair because it was too stressful. He pursued me for seven years and I finally gave in to friendship then lovers. We have stop this affair and it is two years without him. He has been married for twenty years. His wife is very ill. No sex life for fifteen years and she does not like to be touched. No children. He said that he cannot leave her because he does not want to look bad for leaving his sick wife. My problem is I need help getting over him. He is my boss and I have been ignoring and avoiding him. It's so hard seeing him evey day. Quitting at this point is no good. I am too close to retirement and jobs are being cut in our company. Help me someone out there.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (6 September 2011):
 Being that it has been two years, I think you've clearly given yourself enough time to get over it. Sometimes it is very hard to get over a loved one, especially if you have to see them every day (that's why a great many people don't date from the office pool).
Your solutions are pretty simple:
1) Endure. This sounds like you've been doing this. Remind yourself that he is married and unavailable and he chose his wife over you. You deserve better and to keep a lighted torch for this man is a waste of your energy and making you miserable.
2) Decide if you are on a sinking ship. If there are layoffs in your company, perhaps the company isn't doing that well and now is the time to prepare for your next job. Ultimately, this would be the best idea in the long run but I don't know your economic situation.
3) Find someone else. Again, in my original answer I gave you some steps and encouragement to do this. Ultimately, if you are able to focus your attention on someone else, you'll forget about old "What's his name?".
Hopefully this will get better in time but its going to take some work and decision making on your end to make a change in your life.
Best wishes
A
female
reader, lonley sac +, writes (6 September 2011):
lonley sac is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for them advice. I am fifty four and I feel like I am behaving like a teenager. Though I still care for him I refuse to show him that I am miserable. How can I keep this up?
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (5 September 2011):
My first suggestion was that you change jobs, but seeing how that isn't economically feasible, you need to do the next best thing: give yourself the ability to find someone new.
Sadly, it sounds like you were taken advantage of to some degree in the fact that he was relentless in his pursuit of you. While I agree, it would've been awful for him to break up with his ailing wife to be with you and I can understand his reasons for breaking it off and I think you need to respect that, despite the burdens he is under.
At this point, I'd urge you to find a new lease on life. Try something new. You are single, from the sounds of it, why not take a vacation, or learn something new. There are plenty of single men out there that are trying to find someone available; why don't you put yourself out there and see who comes along. There are plenty of online dating sites, you could join a gym, join a running club, see what's available to the library, etc. Enlist your friends' help in setting you up. Even consider going back to school for further education. But holing up in your house on a Saturday night isn't going to help.
In short, don't let life pass you by because you don't have a man in it and remind yourself that despite your feelings your boss really isn't available and you deserve better than that. While you may not find this void filling immediately, just be open to the possibility that there is someone out there who wants to be with just you.
Good luck.
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