A
female
age
36-40,
*liceinwonderland27
writes:Okay this is my big problem. My mother is very pessimistic and as if she grew to have a strange hate to this world. One time.I was telling her about an earthquake that hit a certain city in US where one of our neighbour is currently living and then she said "Good for them" and then I told her how could she say that and what if it hit our city or our place and then she said well that's fine coz life is unfair. I don't know how she can say those things. A little background about my mom that I could give. My father passed away 28 years ago since then she didn't marry again. She was a pensioner since that time and until now she is telling me she is lucky to have her own money and not relying from the money of her kids which I agree. She was also diagnose with cancerous tumour 1 year ago which was successfully removed without us having financial problem and she always brags it to everyone how lucky she was for she was admitted in the most expensive hospital without paying anything. Like this things annoy me about my mom. We dont have a very good life but we can avail whatever we want when it comes to food and clothing etc and now Im stuck with her coz she wont allow me to work outside the country which I did 2 years ago. I wanted to go out and get a work again outside the country but I can not manage to leave her in her current health situation but her attitude about life and about anything really gets into my nerves. She always says and thinks bad things about people we know who are successful. I want to leave her and work away from her but I love her and can not afford to be away from her now that she is old and has health problem. What should I do? I cannot even talk to her because every time I wanted to correct her and give her my point she will throw me this "You don't know what I've gone through" look. I will get crazy from her. I need serious advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2014): 'You can't educate pork' is what my brother used to say to me when i was frustrated at people who just would'nt budge an inch to listen to a different point of view. He made me laugh, because it elevated my frustration, you are frustrated at your mother's views on life in general. She will not change her views as you won't change your's and she is way too long in the tooth to change into an optimistic person now. You have to understand that she may see your point underneath but 'refuses'to be bright and cheerfull. I have met many people who CHOOSE to be miserable souls as people who CHOOSE to be cheerfull souls. Some People try to make their dark perspective everyone elses by deliberatley dimming/damping anything positive.Your Mum obviously feels like she has had a bad deal in life, and so why should she even attempt to enjoy it or say anythng good about it, and why on earth should she be happy or sad for anyone else.It is ashame when people are 'hurt' in life and turn bitter over the years. That's hard to come back from and often gets worse. If you feel so desperate to break away, then do so but maybe if you just ACCEPT this is who she is now you wont feel so frustrated.I had a total stranger (man)stand by my car window once, as I sat in the lane waiting to move and he said for no reason 'shit car' which is untrue and pathetic as it is a classic. So i turned the music up, rolled back the roof,laughed and said 'shit attitude' and off i went.To say it to a woman baffles me even more, this was sheer bad attitude, stemming from jealousy and obvious bitterness. Such a sorry sad waste of what type of man he could be.
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