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anonymous
writes: I really need advice. I've been seeing a married man that I met through work for almost a year. He is in his second marriage and has three grown up children form his first, and a three year old in his current marriage. Although we had been fantastic friends for five years, it finally became something more and we both knew what we were getting into. After two months of seeing him, he told his wife about me with the hope that she would leave him. She didn't and believed that the relationship was over. She even called me and told me to leave him alone and that they were going to make a go of their marriage. However, he still carried on seeing me. Two months ago, he changed jobs and it has made it very difficult for us to see each other. It's now been almost a year and he still insists that when the time is right, he will tell his wife we are still in contact. If he doesn't, getting to see him will remain very difficult. He works night and always managed to stay over with me quite a lot before he changed jobs. Now it is not so easy as he work five nights a week. We manage it about once a week on a Saturday morning but he is always tired and its not ideal this way. His wife says she can't get over what he's done (even though she thinks it was over nine months ago). She still doesn't trust him. She always challenges him about me and tried to get into his mobile the other day. This didn't work because he uses a pin number and she ended up blocking the phone! They argue a lot because of things like this. She doesn't work, which infuriates him as he pays for everything. With me, life would be so much easier but it is difficult with a child involved and he says it's not that easy to tell her. I can appreciate he's scared and doesn't want to hurt her but I'm putting my life on hold for him and I can't help it. He even gave me her phone number and said get someone to call her anonymously and tell her it was still going on. As yet, I haven't done this because I think it's a bad idea and he has since agreed with this. I don't know what to do for the best. I love him so much and don't want to let go. I am in a dead end job and don't go out much because I work shifts. I find it very difficult to meet people and am very very fussy when it comes to finding a man. I was on my own for four years before I started seeing him. All my friends are in long term relationships so never go out. I don't even like going out anymore and find that its all young men just after one thing. I prefer older men and so am going to find it very difficult to find one who is not in a relationship. I don't want to go to a dating agency or anything like that because I take a long time to get to know someone before I start to like them. I really need some advice on what to do for the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2005): Wake up girl! Do you think he is going to be faithful to you when he is cheating on his wife? Especially since he has been married twice! Lose him. It is all a game! He is unhappily married and does not want to pay for a divorce or pay child support, and probably does not want to leave his kids. Find someone better and unmarried. I know I would be pissed if my husband was doing this and I would kick his ass and the other girl's ass!
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