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male
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anonymous
writes: My wife cant seem to put my past sexual relationships out of our present one. we are remarried, both out of long marriages in our forties with children. all of my past was when I was a teenager before marriage. she has asked and we discussed things I did over 25 years ago. I have never cheated on my ex-wife even though many opertunities presented themselves. my wife tells me she understands that this was in the past before her and I am different person now but cant shake the thoughts that I gave her. some include strip bar exposure. she hates that seen so much. she tells me I have been so exposed to so many woman and this really gets her sick. its a daily battle she tells me and somedays are so bad she feels such anamosity towards me and gets very outstandish. we have disscussed this issue for hours at a time and feel we make progress but something triggers it again and we end up talking for hours again. I love her and want to help her but its me that has given her these thoughts. she wanted to know every thing about my past as she says it helps her get over it better. I dont see how but I dont want to keep anything from her, I respect and cherish our relationship. she wont get help because she thinks the therapist will think she's crazy to have these feelings and tell her the past is in the past and yada yada..... she wants to work it out her self but I am not sure she can. she keeps telling me there is a lesson in this but she cant figure it out yet....what can I do to help her I feel so sorry she has to go through this because of my poor judgements. she said she wont give up on me because she loves me so much. please help!! I am desperate to help my wife.
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female
reader, saasy +, writes (21 February 2006):
Im not sure if i have the exact advice your looking for but here goes... Being a woman myself and having had a partner that also had many partners before me it was hard to get over the jealousy that many woman were after him (especially if you know the ex's) and the thought of him being with them was hard to get out of my head.
The only real thing that needs to happen is you need to show her that WAS your past and your not like that person anymore (unless you still want that- then tell her now.)
Show her off in front of other woman and make her feel sexy. The more you make her feel like she is better than any other woman you've ever had she will forget the negative side of it and feel nothing but love for you.
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