A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I fell in love with a man 15 yrs older than me, everything was rosey. We got together about 2 yrs ago and he asked me to marry him after 1. It is my first proper relationship, I am in my early 20's. I moved in with him to his house - which he built - 6 months ago. He has a well paid job and I finished my degree in the medical sector in the summer, I was planning on getting my first job but found out I was 5 months preggers. I am from a stable family that have money, so I won't struggle but havent been spoilt either. I wasnt delighted I was pregnant as I felt id let myself and my ambitions down but came round to the idea and now wouldnt change it for the world. We love each other so much, he hasnt been married before or any previous children, hes actually acts half his age.We had a lovely little daughter a few months ago that we both adore. We have been a little strained recently and I just found out that he won't put me name as the joint tenant on the house, even when we get married. It will be the non-marital home. He doesnt think I know that I wont be entitle to anything if we get divorced, he was like " you will get the house, especially as you are the mother" but I know that I legally wont. He said that if anything happens he will sell the house and buy me a little house, instead of me having the house. But its going to be his no matter what happens, which I find really sad as it makes me think that he is covering himself in case anything happens in our marriage, I thought marriage was for sharing, not for me to feel like he can throw me and our baby daughter out at any time, or for us to have no rights if anything happens to him at work (he has quite a dangerous job btw). I feel that i have totally changed my life, my ambitions have changed, he didnt want me to work and now I cant. Sometimes I feel he just wanted a wife and a baby, now hes got this to complete his life but maybe Im being harsh. I just dont know what to think, maybe I am in the wrong? Its making me doubt everything as he obviously doesnt want to share this part of him, I love him to bits and am a good christian person so why is he being like this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): Is it just me... or are prenuptial agreements kind of dooming things from the start?Relationships are based upon trust, and how can you possibly have that if you require someone to sign a piece of paper that says they won't try and screw you over.Is this essentially what you are supposed to TRUST your spouse is gonna do?Its why I would NEVER ask anyone to sign a prenup in any relationship I have. Ever.I know it comes across as high and mighty, and possibly stupid, but to me... it is the height of dishonour that I would even suggest a prenup to someone I trust.Flynn 24
A
male
reader, Dalmatian  +, writes (4 February 2010):
My wife of 26 years required an agreement before we were
married. We both had houses but hers was better and I moved into her house. A few years later we sold her house
and moved into another bigger house in both our names.
After a few years and kids it was not a real issue anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): You should read up on the law in these circumstances so you know exactly what and what not. I know a fair deal about the legal system, but only that in my own country, so I do not know how it works for you. But I can tell you this: if he dies, more than likely his house and everything he owns will go to you, when you are married that is. If for some reason it doesn't, it goes directly to his children. Now, unless he has children outside of the marriage, it will all go to your daughter = yours until she is of age. If you are worried you will be left with nothing in case he dies, don't worry. You'll get whatever it is he hasn't used up, sold, or is in dept for. You wont have it if he divorces you. But there are many holes in these regulations. Prenups are usually so that whatever the partners bring with them in, they can also bring with them out. That means if you have savings you bring with you into the marriage, you can bring it with you out. Whatever you earn or get whilst in the marriage is split. That mean, if you stay at home, and he has a great job earning money, you get your share of that money in the case of a divorce. So no, you wont be left on bare grounds. Not to mention he has to pay child support etc etc. But please read up on this. Marriage isn't all about romantics, it also includes a load of paperwork and laws to follow in case of this or that. I believe you could in fact have a prenup saying, in case of infidelity, you get the house. There are many ways to twist around this, so read up on it!
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 I suggest you seek official legal advice confirming your thoughts regarding this. Don't think you know the law, confirm 100% that you definately do know the current law!
In most of the western world, women typically have a right to claim upon such things - if they choose to that is (I chose not to claim upon my jointly owned home when leaving my ex). If tho, he has offered you a smaller home if worst comes to worst, sounds like a fair deal to me, .. just get it in writing.
Yes it is nice to be all romantic about it and assume you will be together forever, but no one knows the future, it is not set in stone, so a prenup would just be sensible and make things absolutely clear should heaven forbid, worst came to worst.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Yes he is covering himself. He is clearly intelligent and doesn't want to lose what he has built if things go wrong between you and I don't blame him. He has made it clear he would provide for you and get you a new home he just doesn't want you having the one he worked hard for. I would be just the same. It is sad and not romantic but in today's climes it is best to think about things like this.
I understand that it has upset you but I wouldn't take it personally. He has been around a while and has seen more of life and its ups and downs then you have. He is just safeguarding his assets.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 February 2010):
 It's his house, he built it, he paid for it.
If you have any doubt as far as WHAT you might GET in case of divorce get a prenup. That way you and your future husband can hammer out the financial details before getting hitched.
I'm sorry but I don't see why you have any claims to the house.
Maybe it's just me.
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