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My partner wont let me meet his new friend saying "it is MY friend, not yours". Reason to be suspicious?

Tagged as: Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 December 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 4 December 2011)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Relationship dilemma. I have been in a 19 month relationship and things were excellent until a month ago. My partner decided to make friends with a bloke in his class and since this has occurred he has been very distant to me and weird acting.

I have a good reason to believe the truth is not being told to this guy because my partner DOES NOT want me to meet him at all. He is HIS friend and not mine. We have talked that everything is equal in our relationship and he has met each and every one of my friends so why can't I meet hime? "Cuz he is MY friend not yours!"

I find that there are no more I Love You's that feel sincere, sexual relations are gone since the new friend has arrived and generally I'm treated like the cook, the clothes washer and the errand person.

Should I stay or should I GO?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks everyone for your advice but today the relationship ended. I'm kinda homeless and without a job right now and just going to survive as best as I can.

Thank you all for the advice. My heart is hurting really bad right now and it only took 20 minutes for him to post SINGLE on facebook. I know where I stood, don't i?

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A female reader, chickpea2011 United States +, writes (4 December 2011):

chickpea2011 agony auntHi,

Sorry to say, but his behavior makes me believe that something is going on between them. Also, when someone is defensive is a clear sign of dishonesty. He's my friend not yours? What's that all about? He has no right to be angry at you. Trust your gut feeling and take some time away from him.

Good luck/best wishes

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011):

Yep, there is reason to be suspicious. Even IF this is just a male buddy; why so secretive? You are not asking to be his friends new best freind. You are asking to have access to that part of his life. He is telling you no.

People who have nothing to hide:hide nothing.

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A female reader, boo22 United Kingdom +, writes (3 December 2011):

boo22 agony auntRun for the hills!! He has no respect for you xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2011):

Very tricky situation, are you 100% certain the new friend is a guy? If I were in your shoes I would be thinking he has met a new woman and is trying to keep it secret. I can understand not meeting all his friends, my parner and I have been together 5 years but I don't know all of his friends and he hasn't met all of mine we each know of them but never done formal introductions.

But your boyfriends behaviour is very strange. If you aren't able to find out any more information by talking to him then I would perhaps tell him that you are fed up of the change in attitude towards you and are thinking of leaving. If this doesn't hit home with him then you are better off leaving. The way you describe his behaviour just seems suspicious as it is out of the ordinary for your relationship. Best of luck, hope everything works out for the best x

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