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male
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anonymous
writes: Age old problem I'm sure, Me and my longtime partner of ten years have been having problems and we have recently split, she said that she needs time to think about where our relationship is going and how she feels about me now. I did not handle that well at all, when she told me. I said to her, "Is this really a delay of the obvious and just going to be permanent, then we should just split up permanently right now."She started to cry and I went back on that and asked her if we still had a chance together, as I did not want to split up. Then I suggested a temporary split as she did.We have not been talking at all since then except for text messages, that I have been initiating (Simple ones such as I love you, goodnight etc.), which she at first was replying to, but now not the last couple of days.Now I asked her for a meeting two days ago to talk about what has been bugging her, and she agreed to it. In between then and today I also sent her a mail explaining how I felt about her and our relationship, she has been offish with me and cold herself.My question is this, What do I say to her tonight, in our meeting, to talk? I would like to find out what is bugging her and how we can move forward and get back together. I am not sure that she wants to get back together, due to her lack of interest it seems.Your help will be great.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (14 July 2005):
 I think when you meet tonight, it will be wise to allow her to guide the conversation. You can repeat what you have already said to her and in your mail and also include why you think you both have a future together.
The rest is up to her really. There may be things on her mind that she would like to discuss with you which may give you an indication to her coldness and distance. You can then work from there.
It is best for her to lead the conversation so that you can get to the bottom of how she feels right now and what she wants for the future. She may well be confused and talking may help.
Reassure her how you feel for her and leave the rest up to her.
Good luck.
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