A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My partner had a 3some with his wife and her female friend years ago. I was uncomfortable with this for most of the time we have been together. My constant struggling with it resulted in regular arguments and discussions. But, not any more, I truly don't think about it any more. It's not there. However, what I have noticed now is that he takes any opportunity he can to "edge" on mentioning it. An example, last night I cooked meatballs for us and when he stirred the pan for me a couple of them broke up in the pan. He commented "as soon as I am in the company of balls everything goes to pieces. Two women at one time, not a problem, but more than two balls ...(and he shuddered). He also tries to get their names into our conversations at any opportunity. I just ignore these "attempts" at edging this into our conversations. Is this the correct way to approach this? and why is he doing this?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 January 2012):
 To give the other aunts and uncles some background, here is a link to the question you submitted last year:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-cannot-get-past-the-idea-of-his.htmlIt's unlikely that he is just trying to pick a fight. There is nothing to gain and he can do without the headache. My first guess is he wants another threesome. He may be trying to bait you into agreeing to one by triggering your jealousy, hoping that you'll acquiesce if only to out shine his ex wife. Or perhaps it's just his boorish way of trying to turn you on to the idea.My second guess is that he's seen the change in you and no longer knows where he stands. The more insecure you are, the more it shows you care and the more power he has in the relationship. You'll know if your response is correct by whether or not it's worked. If he is still brings them up every chance he gets, then clearly it hasn't. Whatever you say to him make it brief and make it count. Do not tell him it hurts you or makes you feel inadequate. That lowers your market value and reduces your negotiating power. Remind him that a man who waxes on about his past lovers is unappealing and it lowers him in your eyes.Keep us up to date.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 January 2012):
 Sit him down and tell him you are done listening to his Glory day store of the awesome 3-some. You are not impressed, not do you have any inclination to outdo his ex-wife with 3-somes.
Honestly, I think he is either baiting you, to pick a fight or get you to want to "up one" on the 3-some thing. Or he is wanting you to think your hubby was quite the STUD.
A husband of a friend of mine kept telling his new wife how his ex used to do x,y,z and of course my friend wanted to be "better" then the ex, so for the longest she tried to compete with this "ex", until she actually got sick of being compared. They had a long talk, the ex's (both his and hers) are no longer subject for debates or discussions, they are.. put in the past where they belong.
Talk to him, ask him why he feels a need to bring it up as much as he does.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 January 2012):
 It sounds to me like he is looking for a fight, maybe he likes the attention from you when you are mad about this, maybe it makes him feel that you care about him because this upsets you. Sounds to me like either way he is trying to get a reaction out of you for whatever reason and it is totally unfair of him. To be honest I think the best way to handle this is to talk to him and tell him that it makes you uncomfortable when he mentions this and you would rather he didn't do it.
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