A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So me and my partner have been together around 4 years. For the most part it’s been good. My issue is his time spent with his friends. They get together about 3 times per week. His friends are mostly single and they party. Whenever they see each other it’s alcohol and weed. Coming home around 4 am. He doesn’t see an issue with it, but I do. I don’t have issues with him spending time together. I do have issues with how they choose to spend their time together. How can I get him to respect my feelings when all they want to do is party and come home at 4 am? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2019): Personally I wonder how you ever came to accept this in the first place!Does he work? I'd be surprised if he managed to fit work in around that. He strikes me as a bum. Are you funding the partying? If so, then i'm tempted to let you fall on your own sword so to speak.However ...What worries me is that what he is living is the single life. Usually when a person gets into a relationship, the partying dwindles because there's a partner at home who satisfies an alternative.I have to ask - are you sure there's nothing more going on? Just with all his friends being single I can't help but suspect that they will no doubt be doing single lad stuff and no doubt also encouraging your partner to take part! Read between the lines what you will of that.Now onto the point ...no, he won't change, not even if you nag him, beg him, plead with him. Trust me - been there, done all that.For me, you need to walk because he isn't ready to grow up.Is he contributing to the household?! Is the house in your name etc?If all he is is a bum as I suspect, send him back to his mothers - let her take care of him. Let her fund his lifestyle and let her be woken up at 4.00am.You deserve to be shown respect above all else and that means being treated like an equal - not an option to roll into at 4.00am!
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (23 December 2019):
 This is the thing with some guys and their friends; even if they have very little in common except for years of being in each other's company while being intoxicated... They will remain friends regardless of whether or not the friendships make logical sense or not. They will not stop wasting their time in this manner. Trust that. They seem to enjoy it and you're grown so you understand how juvenile it is but unfortunately to them it's still 'fun'. Most men would not have much in common with their 'friends', should alcohol be removed from the situation. They enjoy having that sort of fun, but sometimes they are so different that they probably would never really bond with the absence of liquid courage and the personality facelift that we know as alcohol. I've seen it happen. You have to either accept that this is how he has fun OR move on because it is simply too much (which it actually is). Those are your options. Choose wisely.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (23 December 2019):
 Does he work? If so, how? If not, where is he getting the money from to party in this way? If you are funding this, then stop immediately.
It sounds like you have two choices here: suck it up or move on. He is not going to change because you have asked him to. You need to decide whether this is how you want to carry on living or whether you are worth better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 December 2019):
 Is he your age too? (36-40)?
If so, I'd say he is a little "too old" to think partying 3 times a week is necessary, and I would wager a guess that NOTHING you can do or say will change his mind.
He and his friends are stuck in some "teenage" PARTY TIME loop and the only way for that to stop is for THEM to decide that there is more to life than drinking and smoking weed. However, ARE you really going to WAIT for him to grow up?
I don't think it is UP to you WHAT they spend their time doing together, as you aren't there. He is a grown ass man, and I presume his friends are too.
You CAN however MAKE the choice on whether you want to continue this man or not.
So accept his life-style or move on.
He isn't going to stop hanging with these people, nor is he going to stop drinking, smoking and "partying".
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