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anonymous
writes: Hi I really need help...I found out about 3 1/2 Months ago that I'm pregnant. At first I was scared and thought I could count on my partner to support me, but lately he's been going out drinking a lot and refuses to talk about the fact that I'm carrying his child. He says it's not his problem and that it's also not his responsability. What do I do? I really love this guy! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 August 2006):
 He may deny responsibility but legally he does have responsibility. Read up on the child support laws and get that process ready to go. He is not obligated to support you (I take it you are not married) but he does have to contribute to the child's needs. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2006): My friend had the same problem. Hang in there. Her parents didn't support her and she had a really hard time. If you're parents support you, then that's great! If not, don't worry. This will only make you a stronger person. Check in on with friends, who can be a great help when you're pregnant. If your gent won't stay and he drinks too much, as hard as it may seem...let him go. He won't do any good to your child or you. Think about it in the long run, he'll just be a burden. I know it can be really hard since you love him, but for the sake of your child, move on. Besides, it doesn't seem like he cares for you. You need better. Find a friend or join a local community club where you can meet other pregnant woman. All the best!
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male
reader, Jonny_05 +, writes (11 August 2006):
What i personally think you should do is get him on his own go for a walk/drive and them try talking to him then. Use a soft tone of voice and ask him what he feels about the situation and then try to discuss ways in which you may work things out. Hope i help a little.
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female
reader, Serene Katy +, writes (11 August 2006):
 Dear friend
I found myself in a similar situation 13 years ago. Then, when my son was 6 months old, I even went on, against my better judgement, and married a person who fits the description of your gent precisely. What a surprise, he disimproved even more. Then he left us, abruptly, heartlessly, with no contact at all, to live several thousand miles away. Even now does he support his son? See him? Stay in contact? You just guess. I'll give you a clue, when I asked what would I do for money for food as he left, he said "you (meaning me and his son) can eat sand."
Ah, what a favour he did us when he left 7 years ago. I achieved a lot of things I still can't believe and made money like no man's business on my own. It was tough, no denying, but not as tough as the pain of knowing that man would not make the effort required for family life. Now my son is such a happy, smart and well adjusted lad, we have a great relationship.
My advice is, be aware that it is easier and better to rear this child on your own than sticking with a man who does not wish to discuss the fact you are having his child or face up to the associated responsibilities.
This, my friend is him on his good behaviour. You need to be cuddled and minded. You need to have a father for the baby who will plan with joy his/her arrival. This man is not doing this, you and your baby are being deprived already, face up to this. Take off your rose coloured specs and think of your child. How is this man proving his love to you now? It is a privilege to be allowed into a child's life, if he doesn't appreciate that, take some time out now.
This does not look like it will improve without counselling. Can you improve communication and have him address his behaviour, otherwise your child will not be in a happy environment. With his drinking do you feel safe? Have you felt under threat? You must leave the relationship immediately if you are not safe.
Your child will bring you immense joy, he/she is your priority now. You would do better on your own, with friends/family or with the support of some pro life organisation, than with a reluctant father.
Men come and go, your children will always be part of you. They give you far more than you can ever give back. Your child deserves the very best you can give.
Katy
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male
reader, daveblueboy +, writes (11 August 2006):
your partner is in denial about your pregnancy you should talk to him on his own and try to resolve this. explain that it is his responsibilty but if he does not care you both should seek counseling or just move on
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2006): Hi, i jus had to reply, you sound quite young and also very lonely and frightened right now. I have been in exactly the same position as you in my past. Your babyfather is scared and this is why he is behaving like this. He realises that he has a responsibility thats why he is going out drinking etc Its his and most mens way of not facing up to the true fact. That he will soon have his son or daughter to face.
The best thing you can do is nothing, and I am being honest because the more you try to talk to him, he will take this as you trying to spoil his fun like he thinks already. Leave him alone so he can come to terms with this wonderful news in his own way. Jus prepare yourself in the meantime, as he will come back to you when he has burnt off this frustration he is feeling rite now. Dont worry! You will be fine. And remember the saying "If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it is yours, if it doesnt it never was" My nan gave me a poster with this messege on it, when I was pregnant at 18yrs old in 1987 with my now 19yr old daughter and my partner didnt want to know and doing exactly the same as yours is now. My name is Karmen, tek care
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