A
female
age
36-40,
*mma2014
writes:My partner has just broke up with me 11 days ago. We where together 7 years and have lived together for most of this. in the last 3/4 months we where planning on moving abroad to work for the summer. we gave up are house and moved in with his mum to save money, close till me went away i quit my job. there had been problems but when we moved in with his mum these where a lot worse he started becoming always attached to his phone hidding it from me and being very distant. this brought a lot of arguments i said he was ignoring me and being strange with his phone. he said i was paranoid and clingy and my needyness was pushing him away. he didnt seem concerned when i was doing stuff for leaving. 3 days before we left we had another argument, he admited he was texting a girl from work but said he just needed a friend. he said he didnt feel that i loved him and wasnt sure about this but we argreed to work on it. But the next day he disappeared for hours, he was driving around all day. while packing he told me he didnt think he wanted this and ended it, i left. we talked the next day and he said he didnt know what he wanted and he needed space. then while i picked some of my stuff up a few days later he said that he didnt want to say anything to get my hopes up and that he thinks he wanted to see other people to really know and that i should to and he would be happy for me and i should be happy for him. i am now on holidays with my parents as i had nowhere else to go. I try to give him space but this is very hard all i can think is that hes happy im gone and talking to other girls. I asked him that while i was away not to see anyone else romantically even if he felt it was over for good - he said he could do this. I try to give him space but its so hard I feel that if i dont say anything that il explode that im losing him forever. I text him every few days(it really is hard - sometimes he texts me because he said he would do this to see how im doing) ive tryed sending him a dirty message as i did feel this way and he just asked if id been drinking and moved on to something else. Ive asked him does any part of him miss me and he didnt reply. Ive even tryed today to just be friendly and he hasnt responed. all i want to do is start from the beginning and take things slow, no pressure. Is he really confused? I know it sounds like hes not and that he said he doesnt want to give me hope. But i get hope out of the things that he doesnt say. he doesnt say, im so sorry its over for good, ive meet someelse or il always be your friend. he just ignores it when i confornt him or doesnt responed. before i left he said we would talk when i got back i have another week here its killing me! how can i go through this torture. I feel like im just going to get another left down on my return. what should i do? Does he really need space, if i give him this is there really any chance to start again? i cant move on, i love him, i dont care what hes done i just want a fresh start.
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broke up, money, move on, moved in, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (26 May 2014):
 You need to accept reality the relationship is over. Unfortunately your ex left the relationship way before he ended it and you did not it. I suggest you start building you life, force yourself to go out with friends and be in the company of people and I its not what you want to do. But in order to start healing you have to start living. Let this relationship go because no amount of crying begging or pleading will bring him back and you will hate yourself for being weak and contacting him. The best revenge is to move on and be happy, that will hurt him knowing you moved and lost some one that really loved and cared for him. He will regret it but don't wait for move on. Join a gym, work out that depressed sad feelings. I promise you make a start you will begin to feel better. You will have bad days but once you let go the days will get better.
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (24 May 2014):
 He is taking your love and presence in his life for granted. He thinks he can find better out there. You know what sweetheart, this is going to be really hard for you, but you have to let him go. Let him discover for himself that you were the best thing that ever happened to him, and when he regrets what he did and finds his sorry way back to your doorstep begging for you to take him back, you will have already moved on. It's going to be a long road for you, and he'll probably date a few cows before he realizes that he lost a jewel in you. Let him go. Give yourself as long as you need to grieve the loss of this relationship. It could take a year or more, maybe less, but cry, have a pity party, get angry, go out with friends, get busy, get active. Eventually you will begin to look at other men and start dating, and you will smile again and feel good about yourself again, and you'll realize that it was his loss not yours. When you regain your power again (and I promise that you will), you will no longer yearn for him.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (24 May 2014):
 I agree. Whatever hope you're reading into whatever hasn't been said notwithstanding, he's made it very clear that the relationship is over. He doesn't say more than he already because he doesn't want to be the bad guy and/or hurt you further by spelling it out. He's hoping he's told you enough that you can figure out it's time to move on.It's not reasonable to ask him not to see anyone else. He may have agreed to that to your face to spare your feelings and to keep you off his back.I know this is not what you wanted to hear, but the only fresh start you're going to have is with someone else.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 May 2014):
 I am sorry.
I think he has been wanting out for a while. The idea to move in with his mom was the beginning of the end, it was his way of NOT living WITH you anymore. (even if you were living with him and his mom).
He WANTS to be single and date other girls. And I think unless you want to be with a guy who CONSTANTLY looks for greener grass, you need to accept that it's OVER.
You NEED to give him space. Not text him here and there, to try and keep him interested, it's not going to work. So, I'd suggest NO CONTACT. He isn't responding because he is TRYING to not give you false hope.
FOCUS on what YOU need to do to get back on your feet. New job, new place to live. YOUR live will go on. You can't build your life revolving around a guy.
Maybe THIS is the time for you to find YOUR independence.
Sorry honey, your relationship is over.
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