A
female
age
,
*ock chick
writes:I am writing again as helps to read others thoughts - so i hope you don't mind.My partner of 6 years had a fling in november, and after 5 weeks of me not knowing if he was staying or going, decided that he would make a go of it and would help alleviate my insecure feelings.In the meantime I was always suspicious as he never changed his usage of his mobile (i.e secretive texting, carrying everwhere, PIN,) which is where i found most evidence of his fling.About 5 weeks ago, he changed towards me again. Saying i was too negative and depressed for him, asking me to give him space in the house every weekend, going off for drives in the evening, and not talking to me.I haven't left the house at the weekend so he has disappeared somewhere (hotels he says).I am due to be taken off the deeds and the mortgage and he is buying me out - but it's going to take 6-8 weeks. I am adamant I don't want to go anywhere at weekends (so he can have our home to himself) and he is welcome to stay in with me, but he won't and as my daughter lives with us too, feel it unfair of him to ask me to go when he is the one who wants us to split up.He says he still loves me and won't let me down, but he has let me down and if this is love i would prefer hate.I also found a mobile bill of his and it had his previous flings number onit, although I caught his sending lovey texts to his female apprentice and he called me her name in the middle of the night whilst he was drunk.What's wrong with me? Have i driven him to this - he can't even spend a day with me anymore, never answers his phone.I am looking forward to having my own place again and feel lucky in a way, that i can do so, but feel sad he has treated me so badly and feel scared that there are another 6-8 weekends of him bullying me to go.Everything is hard work at the moment and sleep is a relief.I Wish he hadn't decided to make a go of it in the new year as i wouldn't be going through these feelings of rejection now.
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female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (19 May 2007):
 I am so sorry that you're going through this. It can be incredibly difficult to remain in the same house with an ex-partner after the relationship ends.
What struck me with your situation, though, was how much power you have given over to him. Why does he get to control so many aspects of your relationship? When he had his fling...you let him have five weeks to decide if he wanted to stay with you? Why did you not TELL him what you wanted and put down your own rules?
To try to be with someone and not give up things like mobile phones that had helped the infidelity before is unreasonable and that you didn't demand that he do so makes me wonder what was going on with the dynamic even before you ended things.
He does not have all the power--don't continue to give him the power to bully you and make you feel tense.
I wish you the best of luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2007): ask yourself this do you want his crumbs of affection no it is so hard when you are in a long-term relationship and there are kids involved. Is there not somewhere else he can stay in the meantime a friend/relative it sounds like he is messing with your head. Yes you will feel better when hes gone but you will get days when you want to beg him to come back dont do it. I know all this cause Ive just come out of an 11 year relationship which ended with a revelation of cheating, the pain is there it takes a long time to go believe me, do not blame yourself, just think what you want for the future for you and your child, good luck and thinking of you.
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