A
male
age
36-40,
*ike0987
writes:Hi.I am 23 and my girlfriend 25. We have been dating for just over 4 years and living together for 3.In all the time we have been together we have never had sex. We tried at the start of our relationship but it hurt and she has been reluctant to give it another go since even though she has occasionally used a rabbit vibrator which I am only a little larger and thicker than. We have spoken about this and she makes promises which she never keeps and it frustrates me that she will use the vibrator but not even attempt to take me.In addition to this since probably the first year of our relationship any sexual activity has been very infrequent. For example, usually only about once or twice a month she will be horny and will expect me to give her oral until she orgasms. I dont mind doing this, infact I love it, but she never returns the favour. As soon as she orgasms she will just say 'thank you' and want to cuddle up. If I ask what about me she will tell me just to 'sort myself out' as she talks dirty to me.Its getting to me that she has no sexual contact with me whatsoever. I have a very high sex drive but have not had sex the whole time ive been with her, oral sex in the past 18 months or even her use her hands to get me off in the past 18 months either. I will, if I nag be able to get myself off as she talks dirty to me once or twice a week but mostly she dont even allow that. Ive expalined about my high sex drive and how I find it frustating but she just wont listen. I even suggested that if she isnt going to satisfy my urges perhaps it be better for both of us if I satisfy them using porn so that I do not get frustrated with her for ignoring them constantly but she went crazy at the suggestiong. ' Am I not enough for you' etc etc.We have had talks about this in which she promises things will change but they never do. It depresses me as it makes me feel unwanted and unloved and as a result I want out of the relationship even though I love her very much in a lot of other ways and she claims and seems to be happy in our relationship in every way. I am not claming to be perfect but I treat her real well and we get on really well so these wont be the reason she isnt putting out. Perhaps she just no longer fancies me?Either way its getting me down now and I'd just like some opinions as its clearly confusing me.Sorry for such a long and rambling post and thanks to anyone that offers there advice. Enjoy your day.
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horny, oral sex, orgasm, porn, sex drive, unloved, vibrator Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, mike0987 +, writes (4 February 2010):
mike0987 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, sorry for not getting back sooner but thanks a lot for the replies guys. Kinda not what I wanted to hear but what I wanted to hear at the same time.
I guess the reason I have been so patient is because I have wanted things to work out as I do really like her but I have honestly told her how I feel and infact split up with her briefly in the past over it, but she really does make me feel guilty and makes all the promises in the world to change things and begs me to give it another try. I guess I just care about her too much to want to hurt her, but perhaps I need to think about my own feelings too and be ruthless.
Ive never cheated even though I have and would have plenty of oppotunities to do so but I hate that I have recently been getting tempted to.
I guess you guys are right and that its time to call it quits as I know she wont change as Ive given her the ultimatums already - I guess you guys have just given me the confidence to feel that I have been fair and am not being the sex obsessed monster that she makes me out to be when I suggest that the lack of sex is a big problem in our relationship for me.
Thanks a lot for your help guys - I guess if nothing else it will give me the peace of mind to not feel so guilty if she gets upset when I finish it as if she had put just half as much effort into our relationship that I have and wanted it to work even half as much then Im sure wed be living happily ever after.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 Does she sexual abuse in her past? I can not really see any other explanation to her behavior then that.
If she can handle a rabbit she can handle you, might take patience and a little lube, but I doubt she is unable to "take" you. The vagina is amazingly elastic.
To be frank, I think, I would let her go and find someone you are more compatible in ALL areas, to include sex.
Both if you plan on staying with her I suggest you two talk about this some more.I find it really strange.
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A
male
reader, Midnightnight +, writes (2 February 2010):
Dude, sounds like she's scared of doing it with you or she doesn't like u like that. If I was you I would leave her. She sounds so selfish!
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 You're being abused, she should change or you should leave.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): Im in agreement with everyone else here. Shes being selfish. Taking but refusing to give sexual love. But maybe she has a fear based on the time you tried having sex and it hurt. Using the rabbit is giving her the control she needs to feel comfortable about penetration. But there are positions that will give her control during love making if that is her issue. Shes probably become very comfortable with the rabbit and youve put up with no sex for so long its just normal to her now! You may not even have a high sex drive, you just feel you must have because its on your mind so much. But it will be at your age if you havent had proper sex for years.
Ask her to dispose of the rabbit and explore with you, methods of love making that will put her in control of how things are done. If she refuses to try that suggestion ask her to join you in sex therapy. If she refuses, warn her you cant be in a sexless relationship for much longer. Explain that its damaging your self esteem and the relationship. If she makes more promises but wont change, then you have your answer as to where the relationship is heading! And if i were you, id leave and find someone who actually cares about your needs x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): This is ridiculous. Why are you with this woman? She wont ever have sex with you. And you should watch porn, because no, she's not enough! She's not even near whats accepted minimum! Let her yell and scream at you watching porn all she wants, but no, she's not enough, and she needs a wakeup call fast! I actually thought you would have suggested you get another girlfriend to have sex with, or hook up with random women on the side, and that is what she would scream no for, but for porn? Really? She wont let you watch it?
I say watch it, right in front of her. Start cyber-sex with online women. Tell her that when you cant get it from her, where does she expect you turn? What have you been waiting all these years for? Tell her you need sex with her now. Its been 4 years, what on earth is she waiting for as well.
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A
female
reader, stephanie,jayne +, writes (2 February 2010):
Ok well first off let me just say that you are a very patient and understanding person to stick by a relationship for 4 years that offers little if any sexual enjoyment at all!! if i was you i would of been gone within the first few months!!!
Your girlfriend is selfish for accepting things off you but never returning the favour. Im sorry to say this and i'd love to be able to tell you something you want to here but i really think that your relationship is going to end because after 4 years if your girlfriend still hasnt changed then im sorry but i dont think she ever will. :( i think you should tell your girlfriend that you cant do it anymore and although sex isnt the most important thing and that your with her because you love her that an adult relationship (especially at your young age) just isnt going to work!! how does she expect to make a family with you and have children if she wont have sex?
I can understand that if its painful for her she may be put off but thats no excuse for not giving you oral or hand jobs!! the fact that she hasnt even attempted to make things more comfortable, e.g using lube, letting you play with her with your fingers first to get her "ready" so to speak!
Sorry but i really think you need to give her an ultimatum, either be less selfish in bed and change her ways or you will leave and if things dont change within the next 7 days and stay that way then be true to your word and get out the relationship! :) hope this helps xx
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