A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I could really do with somehelp and guidance.I was with my partner for 9 years and we have 2 children.I thought everything was fine until one day I came home from and said she does not love me anymore and that her head is a mess.She suffers with depression and has told me she intends to go to the doctors.I love her dearly and want her back but it is so painful listening to her saying she doesn't know how she feels anymore after years of her telling me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me.She asks me for favors like going round to the house and watching the kids whilst she has a shower or could I pick her groceries up but I feel like she is just using me. I want her back desperately but I don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2014): Hi janniepeg thank you for your answer,I found it very insightful. We don't live together anymore as I came home from work one day and she asked me to leave.She told me 2 weeks ago she loved me but now says she does not know how she feels and that she doesn't feel depressed but something has happened and she doesn't know what it is.She says she is going to go to the doctors and tell them how she is feeling and what has happened with us.I did try to kiss her last night and she rejected me which I was very thrown back by to say the least. I told her I am willing to wait for her as long as it takes but I do fear that her feelings will never return for me
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 November 2014):
 You want the joyful part of her back but her depression is hurting you too. I don't think a really depressed person is capable of using or manipulating you. She really needs your help and is not motivated to do more beyond the bare minimum to survive. Do you not live together? When you live separately you give yourself space too away from her negativity. As much as you want her to be happy it is important too that you keep yourself healthy and sane. I had been depressed at 16 and what I wished my parents had done was accept and given me time. They were of course panicking and trying in any way to make the depression go away. Everyone deals with depression in a different way. I have also heard that depression is the body's way to force you to rest after many years of hard work and sleep deprivation. You may need advice from a support group which is familiar with depressed spouses. You may feel used because she had said she doesn't love you anymore. Maybe the truth is that she needs time to be alone for now. No one can tell you how long you have to, or should wait. No one would say you are a bad person for wanting to give up but the strongest kind of love is the one who keeps the faith even when the other one feels like giving up at this moment.
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