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female
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anonymous
writes: My partner is ruled by his mother. She manipulates him when he is low. We have had a bad year, because he lost his job and has been unemployed. She has never wanted me with him and has spent this past year taking every opportunity to plant seeds in his head about our relationship. He evntually got a job, after an awful year and much 'running' to his mother but she demanded he visit her the weekend before he started. The inevitable happened, as I wasn't invited, his immediate family was, and he didn't come home. To make matters worse I had my broken leg and torn ankle out of cast for one day when he left. He left me penniless, with no food in the fridge and unable to walk or drive but his mother said I would cope. his first day at work should have been coming home to his beloved, celebrating our bright new future and enjoying our change in fortune, but instead he went to his mothers.I saw red and said no more, and 10 days on miss him terribly. His dad drove him up on Sunday and he took a load of electronic stuff, mostly his, but it means I cannot even watch TV. I was lucky to be at my physio mums at the time getting treatment for my ankle.Can anyone offer me some words of wisdom? This is the surface of the problem, but I have dumped him and am sick of the manipulation. When he is away from Mumsy he is lovely and kind but as soon as he has even been on the phone to her, I can tell :(Thanks
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (5 July 2006):
 A boy who clings to mommy's apron strings. How pathetic.
It sounds like you gave him an ulitmatum and he chose to tug on those apron strings rather than cut them.
I was given that ultimatum, albeit by degrees, early on in my relationship with my wife. I am so thankful that I chose my family over my overbearing relatives and today, I have sanity and dignity in my house. I don't tolerate the unannounced incursions (a la "Everybody Loves Raymond") so they never happen. I set the boundaries somewhat forcefully years ago and my relatives respect them.
As much as you miss him, you have done what you needed to keep your sanity and dignity. You have nothing to apologize for, and if by chance he comes crawling back, he needs to persuade you that he has come back a man who can defend his family from a marauding mother. Only then should you consider taking him back. Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2006): I am sorry you're hurting but the first answer is right IMO. You'll just need to let this one go, I'm afraid. He's a grown man (or should be!) and by letting his mum come between you two - well, it tells you everything you need to know about him. It's very sad but just be glad you aren't married with children. Apparently after marriage and then after the children come along these Dragon Mothers get 10000 times worse!!!! There are sites like www.motherinlawstories.com where you will read the most horrdendous stuff. Some of these woman regret their marriages and some leave. The pressure is enormous. You just don't need this in your life. Look for a guy who respects his mother, yes, nothing wrong with that, but you ultimately puts you FIRST. A loving mother would expect her son to do no less for his life partner/family. Hope this helps :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2006): Thus will sound nasty dear, but from my perspective, you haven’t lost a whole lot. He needs a backbone and he obviously did not trust nor does he respect you to have allowed this to carry on. His behaviors tell you a lot about him and how he defends his own family/loved ones in the future. His Mother's treatment of you, are all indicators of her poor behaviour choices, as well. It is one thing to understand someone’s motives, but it doesn’t mean we have to accept their degrading behavior. We shouldn’t have people in our lives, that cause us continual pain, hurt and always compromise our integrity. If he has left you, there really is nothing you can do about it because he's made his choice. Why would you want to continue loving a man, who refuses to defend his loved one and one has a Mother who doesn't respect her son's life who and is always 'tearing you down'? No one should live that way and if he loved you in the healthiest, most devoted way...he definitely would have stood up for you. Better to find this out now, than 10 years into the future, when children come into the picture and your options are lessened a great degree. Let this guy go. Hold out for someone who treats you with respect and honors you and puts you first. Good Luck.
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