A
male
age
,
*tevie K
writes:I have lived with my girlfriend for a year now after courting her for a while before. I had seperated from my now ex-wife and she had seperated from her husband. My partner had always done everything in the house for her husband and her two sons 18 and 24 and she has had to return and keep this up throughout the year that we have been together as they are so useless at doing the bills etc. Her husband has lost his job although he has another one now, her two sons have both had accidents in their cars and are always tearing around acting the fool in them. All of this along with the fact that my partner said that although she still had feelings for him she found him not sexually compatible and really aggressive of late and hence couldnt live with him. When she had gone there and returned home she would say that all the stress at her ex home reminded her of why she left. Now today she is saying that she has a tremendous feeling of guilt due to leaving her husband to run a home and look after their two sons. All along her husband who has had other partners, has thought she might go back and has never moved on with another partner. She has asked me to give her time and some space to sort this problem out but 6 weeks on after she moved in with her sister to do this, we are no further forward. She says she cannot give me the total love that she did a year ago due to her guilt feelings towards her husband, and that the only way to deal with these feelings is to spend time at the home and remind herself how bad it was and how bad it still is there. He has told her his sexdrive is has high as it ever was and this was one of the reasons she left because of his perversive sexual requirements and he told her that if she comes back he is not willing to change. She assures me that sex with him is not possible, as he suggested it a few times while she has been there already.They have put their house on the market and have talked about what comes next. When she moved in with me last year she hoped he would move on and given his sexual needs find a new partner, but he never and it has made it hard for my partner to put closure on their 30 year marriage, and after sleeping with me and afterwards making alsorts of plans with me for the future last night she said that the sons have said that if she comes back to me they wont want to see her again, and her husband who thinks we have finished for good has hinted that if she got back with me then he would divorce her. I cant question her commitment to trying to keep me as her husband asked her to come away with him this weekend and she said that that was never going to happen. I have tried to make it easy for her twice by saying lets splitup and that will be it, but each time she has come back to me saying thats not what she wants. My question is how long is this going to take to resolve, and given the amount that I love her, how do i handle it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (10 April 2007):
 She needs to get a backbone and tell the leeches to start taking care of themselves. She's either playing you or she is one mixed up female. I'd set her down and discuss how all this nonsense can be stoppped. If she isn't willing then I would walk if I were you I think you can do much better anyway.
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