A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, A quick one. My partner and I seem to be bothered by different things (or he's not bothered at all) and it often sees him accidentally dismissing what I deem as important or not meeting my needs. This has lately come to head twice. The issue that usually plays out is that I'll ask my partner to organise something relatively quickly, as having it not done weighs on me. He promises to do it but does it in his own time as he sees no imminent reason to get it done asap (it doesn't weigh on him/waiting for me to do something wouldn't bother him). This has become a big issue for me lately. Basically recently I found out at the start of our relationship he was sending raunchy messages to someone he used to know who lives overseas. I confronted him about it, he was so apologetic, said he never meant anything by it, couldn't remember who she is and would go back through his messages and let me know the details etc but either way takes full responsibility. Now it's been 2 weeks. He has said he hasn't forgotten and will do something but still hasn't had the chance to look back. He is genuinely a super busy guy, he flys for work and we just moved house last week, however if he really tried he could find the time. But I know because he's already apologised and is sorry it's just not top of his priorities like it is mine. He usually thinks 'it's irrelevant when it gets done, it'll get done" I know if the roles were reversed he would be fine with me taking a month even. So basically, i don't want to force him to do things for me that simply aren't as important to him as they are to me. Do I implement a "do it now rule in future when the issue first arises' Or do I just let him do it at his own pace (and trust him to get it done) as I know he would if he roles were reversed? I don't want to force him to operate the way that I do, but I also don't want to wait forever on answers for thingsThanks in advanced for all your opinions guys! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 December 2016):
 My husband is a BIG procrastinator and it DRIVES me up the wall. Seriously.
I have learned in the 20 years together, that if I want things done (in MY time) I might as well do it myself. Given the fact that I also handier than he is, so it works for me.
When it comes to this "chatting" in a sexual manner to someone BESIDES you, while traveling I actually find disturbing even more so when he claims he can't recall who she is.. BULLSHIT. He knows.
Should he go back in the messages and then report to you? NO. I think he should IN FRONT of you BLOCK her and delete the messages and her number. It might NOT be important to him, but it SHOULD be as it affects YOU. Otherwise what GOOD are those apologies? How sincere are they?
And I SO agree that he won't do a thing about it unless there are consequences. For now, he PLACATES you by saying it's not important to him. And for whatever reason you just suck it up.
A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (8 December 2016):
You posted before regarding your bf and I think it's hard to give sweetie anymore advice than what was given .
Think clearly about what you want .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2016): Reading your post, it strikes me there is a lot more beneath the surface. He has been sending raunchy messages to someone overseas..... he travels for work...? But says he can't recall who he was sending the messages to? Did I miss something reading this? Is he cheating on you with someone when he travels for work and you have basically found these messages and not put two and two together? I would be really suspicious!!!!
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (8 December 2016):
 He will never change unless he realises there are consequences. This is a situation a lot of couples face.
You have to decide how important the issues are, and set limits.
If he either can't or won't meet your requests then what do you do? You could neglect his demands. You could stress again why this was important, and offer a second chance. Or you could just pretend it doesn't matter and move on.
There is a conflict brewing and you must decide if you are prepared to enter this power struggle.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2016): There is a man out there who will be compatible with you. In the meantime with this one don't ask him to do stuff .. just do it yourself
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