A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend now cares for her mum full time.Her Mum has lupus and other health problems.she lives close by and has a one bedroom flat and her mum is in a one bedroom flat that is warden controlled. thing is though my partner is her full time carer and gets paid and given up work to care for her mum.I help her out much as i can as well but she spends approx 5 or 6 hours a day there each day plus puts her to bed then pops back again in the morning. I'm scared that this will stop me and my girlfriend having a life together and im worried she may end up moving in with her mum, although she hasnt said that.She only lives 10 minutes round the road so that may not happen. I have lots of worries about how our life will be like now as my partner wont have freedom anymore.Any advice? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2015): thank you for your good answer i will look into this. thank you.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (6 May 2015):
 Right now your friend feels energetic and feels she can cover everything. But you are rightly concerned that this commitment may negatively affect your relationship with her.
You are right, because it will impact on what you have going with her. So prepare now.
Get some supports in place for when your friend starts to feel utterly tired and exhausted. and NEEDS respite. If her mother is unwilling to consider respite then suggest the Doctor discuss it with her mother. Respite helps renew energy and helps both the carer and the vulnerable.
If neither her mother nor your friend wants to access Respite then suggest that she reads some articles on how prevalent burn-out cab be in
Your friend will appreciate if you support her through what will increasingly demand more of her emotionally and physically.
Recognise that she wants to do this. accept it as a strong need she has, to honour her mother.
I do suggest that realistically she set up a 2 weeks off and 3 months on schedule of some form of respite. Carers often compromise their own health by choosing to never make use of respite. Respite in some form is essential.
If you cannot find the same amount of time to be close you can try other strategies to keep your relationship alive. Write her a love letter and sent it to your friend. She will be flattered.
As her mother's condition deteriorates, if her mother starts to sleep more often there will be times where you can sit and chart discuss things over a coffee.
If there is a day group your friend's mother could attend then that too could help her mother to have another focus and allow you and your friend some time together.
Try to see this as a temporary set back, not a permanent step back to your relationship.
Whatever you do - do not try to convince your friend to give up caring. It is a commitment that she is giving with love. She will be hoping that you understand why this is so important to her.
Encourage her to contact carers.org for advice and support dispensed and available from Carers.org
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/Pages/breaks-for-carers-respite-care.aspx
http://chill4uscarers.co.uk/
http://www.carersuk.org/ Carers UK, 20 Great Dover Street, London SE1 4LX T 020 7378 4999 E [email address blocked]
Carers UK, 20 Great Dover Street, London SE1 4LX T 020 7378 4999 E [email address blocked]
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/Documents/EN-GB/Factsheets/FS42_Disability_equipment_and_how_to_get_it_fcs.pdf?epslanguage=en-GB?dtrk=true
http://www.carers.org/
...............................
|
