A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for four years and I worry that were no longer compatible together anymore. We are doing completely different things, he is in university and I work full time. I do get frustrated when every day he doesn’t get up till mid-day and he hasn’t gone into any of his lessons for a few weeks saying you don’t need to, but I try my hardest to understand when he has a lot of essays to do.We barely have a sex life, I just don’t enjoy it with him anymore. A few years ago we did a couple of times a week and I never cared that I didn’t climax, but now it’s every few months and I don’t get pleasure from it. I love him dearly, but I feel like he won’t do things for me. We’ve been together since we were 16 and have been legal to drink since we were 18 and yet we have never even drank together! I am not saying it’s an important thing but he goes with his friends every two weeks maybe and never invites me despite me saying I would like to. Then finally this weekend I was invited to go a friends an hour away and stay night for takeout and drinks and he is refusing too. He is using his exams as an excuse and I would understand if he studied but he doesn’t. I said we can be back next morning by midday before he would even be up if he was at home. I want a relationship where I can go drinking with him once in a while, but he always has an excuse, he doesn’t even know any of my friends I am always going on my own with them as though I am single. I want a sexual relationship. We do have fun like we’ve a holiday booked in a month and he’s been using that as a reason to not do other things, even though they don’t cost anything. His idea of a weekend is staying in bed watching TV, but I am 20 I don’t want that anymore.It doesn’t help now that I keep seeing this attractive man now and I am fantasying about him. I know you will all say just end the relationship, but there is love there. And we’ve a holiday booked. I’ve been with him since I was 16 I don’t know any different. He was my first everything. And if we split up I would be completely alone as all my friends live far away. Id have no one. What do I do?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 May 2015):
 So according to YOUR logic it's better to stay with someone you have outgrown? The better the devil you know? That because he was your first in a lot of respects you are now STUCK with him, no matter how unhappy you may feel? YOU are 20, not 95!
Have you at all discussed how you feel?
For him to never invite you when he goes out with friends is a bit odd, unless those are all guys and have some lame little boys-club rule that states no GFs.
Do you EVER go out with friend on week-end and let him stay in bed watching TV? If not, maybe do so, could be it will get him off his ass. Going out with your friend doesn't mean people will assume you are single. It just means you aren't joined at the hip with your BF.
As for not going to school every day, some can graduate with little amount of time spend at campus, but those usually study hard at least. YOU are at work full time you say, so it's not like you can see what he is doing 24/7. HE has to be responsible for HIS education.
As for not having any friends.. well THAT is up to you then to MAKE some.
You say you want a sexual relationship, so you don't have one now?
I think the biggest problem in this relationship is that YOU TWO do not communicate very effectively.
So IF breaking up is NOT what you want (though DO NOT stay out of "OMG I don't want to be alone") then figure out WHAT needs to be done to make you BOTH happy with each other. And GO for it. Relationships TAKES work. Guys are NOT mind readers so you DO need to tell him when you feel your NEEDS aren't being met.
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