| A ,
anonymous
writes: I've got three children and have just found out that my partner has been chatting to someone since last September. I accidentally came across them on Sunday.On Monday morning I got up early and found 47 e mails to and from each other. I read them all. Some were so upsetting. In one he even mentioned that he is now back with me and the kids because he missed the kids too much. In another he invited her to go to Italy with him.On Saturday while I was round my friend's house, he came home from work and sent her an e mail saying he missed her and they should meet up and go to the cinema soon. When I questioned him about it he told me it was just a silly game and he had no intention of meeting her. He keeps telling me that he is sorry but I only think it's because he's been found out.Please help me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (20 April 2005):
 I'm so sorry to hear that you're in this situation, and I think your assessment of the situation is correct: it sounds like your husband is sorry he's been caught, not sorry that he deceived you and betrayed your trust.The reason I say that, is that he doesn't appear to have decided to clean up his act by saying Goodbye to this woman.What, if anything, has he told you are his future plans? Is he going to cut off communication with her? Has he suggested, or agreed to, marriage counselling with you? Is he going to change his email address, now that this "silly game" is well and truly out of hand? Is he going to write and tell her what happened? Is he planning an apology to her for misleading her, since she clearly thinks they're an "item"?I think you need to start defining the parameters of your tolerance for his "games", and do so right now. It's already becoming plain that he doesn't have a great deal of respect for your wedding vows, or for you, and he will continue to flirt (or worse) online, unless you make it clear that you won't stand for that.From the tone of the letters you paraphrased, it sounds as if he has already met her at least once and has plans to do so more often. This is exactly the same as if he were having an intimate association with a woman from down the street. Don't be misled by an argument that online affairs are any different from in-person ones. They're just as real and just as damaging. Insist to your husband that he sever his email exchanges with this other woman. If he's serious about correcting the error of his ways (and not just sorry you found out), he'll go with you to a professional to talk about the issues that led him to shift his affections from you to his online lover. If he's not willing to make that effort, you'll have a good idea where things are heading. Only you can make the choice about what to do next in that case.Good luck.
|
