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female
,
anonymous
writes: My partner has a problem with porn. He has tons of it. It really upsets me that he searches for it online every time I go out. He has cut back since I moved in with him ten weeks ago, but we just don't seem to be getting anywhere with this issue because he doesn't see it as a problem. I think he has a dependence, but when I suggest getting rid of it he won't do it. He says he's going to get rid of some of it but I see no evidence of this happening, and when we discuss it he just gets upset. He thinks there is nothing wrong with his behaviour, and under normal circumstances I would be accepting of it but I think he has an unhealthy dependence. Please help.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (4 August 2005):
Tell him again that you want him to throw away his pornographic material.
Why does he wait until you are out to look at it???
If you tell him how you feel and he continues in the way he has been doing, then i would consider ending the relationship as it sounds as if he has no respect for your feelings.
A
female
reader, dreamingbee22 +, writes (3 August 2005):
I relate to what you are going through. I was with a guy for 3 years who was obsessed with pornography. He lived with me for about 6 months, and spent all day and night either watching it, or looking at it online. I explained to him how much it bothers me and he told me he would stop. Well, that of course was a lie...he racked up $900 of phone sex calls on my phone, and loaded my computer up with porn sites. He kept on lying to me about it and it ended up tearing us apart. Men are visual and porn is a healthy thing for guys to enjoy, but when it becomes obsessive, it is unhealthy. We broke up, and about a year later, he contacted me and apologized for his obsessive behaviour with the porn. He admitted to it and realized he did have a problem. I think all men go through this phase in their life, and as they grow, they will also grow out of some of their obsessive sexual behaviours. From this experience, I had a problem with porn, but have also learned to grow out of that. I actually started to watch porn with a guy that I had a relationship with....and it helped. It was fun, and it makes you realize that its all visual, its all in fun, and you are the one that they truly love. As far as what to do...I make a choice. Stay with him and see if he learns to grow from this obsessive behaviour, or leave him...you don't want to be in a relationship where you'll be unhappy. And if he truly cares, he will come running back to you.
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